Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for a year, and we’re very happy.
We are both actors, which makes our life hectic, but it’s what we love!
Now he is doing a film in which he has to lustfully kiss another woman, and I’m finding this really painful.
A few years back my first husband lied, cheated and abandoned me and our daughter, so now I’m a bit sensitive to this sort of thing.
I went through therapy, and it helped, but the thought that my husband is going to kiss a beautiful actress hurts and brings up a lot of pain.
He is very understanding and suggested that we both talk to a counselor about the situation before the filming begins.
The problem is that without insurance and with only a couple of weeks before the filming, I doubt this will be resolved by then.
I need to know what to do. I want to feel better. — Afraid Actress
Dear Afraid: As an actor, you should be able to understand better than most that this goes with the territory.
If you can’t speak with your own therapist about this, you and your husband could seek the advice of other actors who have been through this experience.
Ruminating about this will not help either of you. Insecurity has a way of doubling back onto you. It will make you seem needy and anxious. Your own anxiety can drive both of you crazy.
If all else fails, you could try to “act” your way out of this. If you saw this as an acting challenge, you could behave as if you were Joanne Woodward (partner to a successful, frequently kissed actor) — confident, trusting and able to handle it.
Dear Amy: Last week my husband and I did some traveling by plane. We had several layovers, and so we sat and waited for several hours in various airports.
Amy, we were amazed at how sloppy some people have become. And some people are downright vulgar. So much naked flesh!
We decided that at least 80 percent of the travelers looked disgusting. Some were quite laughable.
I told my husband I hoped we had some money invested in flip-flops, as they seemed to be the choice for most travelers.
What has happened to pride in one’s appearance? I’m sure most of these people would say they dressed for comfort, but you can be comfortable and still look decent.
Thank you for letting me sound off. — MSH
Dear MSH: After you have disrobed and been frisked to get through security and herded from gate to gate dragging your wheelie bag while you chase after your delayed plane — flip-flops, sweat pants and halter tops start to seem like a wise choice.
Unlike you, I don’t think people look any worse than they ever have — but airplane travel has become accessible to a greater number of people. I suggest you try harder to embrace the experience.
Dear Amy: I was seriously offended and disappointed by your response to “Experienced.”
When she wrote, “When I was 20, guys in their late 30s were mad for me. Now that I’m in my 30s, it’s the 50- year-olds. I can’t wait to see who I have to fend off when I’m 40,” you replied, “The answer to who you’ll have to fend off when you’re 40 is … practically no one.”
Experienced may be fending off 20-year-olds when she is 40 for all that you know, especially since the “cougar” is now running rampant! I found this response to be mean and inconsiderate! — Disappointed
Dear Disappointed: Scores of angry “cougars” have pounced on me for my answer to “Experienced.” All of these women want to assure me that age has only made them more awesome.
I was making a joke. I may be the only middle-age woman who finds this “cougar” nonsense embarrassing.
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