Dear Amy: How should I handle being around an irritating family member? This person is older, set in his ways and will not change.
Other family members agree that this person is very annoying. I would like to enjoy time with my family, but how can I do so when there is one particular person in the group who is unpleasant to be with?
Thank you for any advice or suggestions. — Irritated
Dear Irritated: You acknowledge that your irritating family member will likely not change. Next you should concentrate on detaching from this person’s behavior to enjoy your other relationships.
Try as you might, you can’t always control whether someone will get under your skin, but you can prepare yourself by saying a version of the Serenity Prayer. In short, you choose not to engage. You ask for strength to control those things you can and serenity to let go of those things you can’t (along with the wisdom to know the difference).
Unless you need to intervene to protect yourself or someone else, you should avoid direct involvement with him. Tell yourself he’s a character and turn your attention toward the rest of your family.
Dear Amy: My husband and I have two daughters. One is 18 months old and the other is 2 months old.
I work full time (usually 48 hours a week) at a factory in town and take care of both children by myself all week when I’m not at work.
My husband works 2 1/2 hours away (usually 58 hours a week) and because of the distance, he only comes home Saturday nights around 6 and goes back Sunday evenings around 5.
Since our last daughter’s birth, I have wanted him to try to find a job closer to home (he works in a field where fortunately there are plenty of jobs).
What’s the point of being married when I never see my husband and the kids never see their father?
I have filled out applications for him for companies within driving distance. But just last week he told me he’s interested in a job six hours away where he’d make more money. I told him I don’t care about how much money he makes; I just want him to be around.
Do you think it’s wrong of me to want him to be close to home, or do you think I should just let him go and make more money, as he seems to want to do?
I’m worried about our marriage. I want a father figure in my kids’ lives, so should I give up on this man? I don’t want to just give up on our marriage. — Working Mom
Dear Mom: Your kids deserve more than a “father figure.” I vote for an actual father to be in their lives, if at all possible.
If your husband was really honest with himself (and you), he might admit that he finds being an on-site father frightening.
He is already missing the most formative period of his children’s lives, and with you working so many hours, they need his presence.
You should not be filling out job applications for him unless he asks you to. I agree with you that it would be best if he pursued opportunities closer to home.
Your husband knows that an important aspect of being a parent is providing for a family. Now he needs to learn that “providing” takes many forms — not just financial, but also hands-on parenting.
Dear Amy: “Ugly But Still Human” is worried about her attractiveness. Her humility alone makes her far more attractive than the self-serving “10s” that populate bars and spas across America. Kudos to her for being one of the few who don’t think the world revolves around them. It seems like any thinking man would find that appealing. — Admiring
Dear Admiring: Well said. Thank you.
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