Dear Amy: I’m 23 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for just over two years. I love him, and I love spending time with him. He’s everything I’ve always wanted in a long-term partner: caring, intelligent, thoughtful and hardworking.
But lately, I can’t seem to shake this “antsy” feeling.
I find that when I go somewhere with my friends and meet other men (as a “wing woman,” I’m not actively searching out a new partner), I wonder what it would be like to date someone else.
I find myself jealous of my friends who are still dating. Maybe I’m not mature enough for a committed relationship?
I’ve been thinking maybe it would be good for us to take a break so I could clear my head and figure out what I really want. Is that a disastrous idea? How do I bring up something like that? — Overwhelmed in WA
Dear Overwhelmed: You might be mature enough for a committed relationship, but the relationship you’re currently in might not be the right relationship for you right now.
Commitment is like good comedy: It’s all about the timing. Your guy might be the best guy in the world. He might be perfect for you. But if you can’t tame your restlessness, then you should take a break.
The only way to bring this up is the old-fashioned way: one word at a time.
You start with: “Honey, we need to talk.”
Dear Amy: I am hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year, and I want to invite my brother’s family. My brother and his wife are still living together but are getting a separation that will eventually lead to a divorce.
The split has not been easy; my sister-in-law is very bitter and can be antagonistic. I prefer not to invite her for that reason, but I really want my brother and nephews to be here.
Should I invite her so that my nephews can be with their mom on Thanksgiving, even though it might be very uncomfortable for the rest of us? Or should I just invite my brother to bring his sons and let them decide if they want to come without her?
Until now she has always been at every family event, even when my brother couldn’t be with us, so we are very close. I don’t know how to handle this situation in the current climate. — Torn Aunt
Dear Aunt: You should speak to your brother. Tell him you’d like to invite the whole family, as always, but ask him to advise you about what he thinks would be best for the children.
Thanksgiving can be very hard on split (or splitting) families because it is such a family-oriented holiday, without the distraction of gift-giving. Your sister-in- law’s presence at this gathering is not going to be best for the kids if she is bitter or antagonistic, but you shouldn’t assume she’ll behave badly — or presume to make this decision for them.
The most you can do is to convey to them that you will try your hardest to be there for all of them.
Dear Amy: Your response to “Trapped,” the young adult who needs to escape from an abusive home environment, struck a chord with me. I’m now in my 60s, but I can’t forget the struggle I waged to escape similar conditions more than 40 years ago.
I ran away from home the night I graduated from high school. I then spent four difficult years adrift and five more years working full time and going to school at night before I graduated (summa cum laude) from college.
It would have been helpful to have a counselor, adviser or mentor to give me moral support, perspective on my situation and advice on my options. The young person who wrote to you could probably use that kind of help for quite a few years to come. — Linda
Dear Linda: I agree; “Trapped” would feel less trapped with support.
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