Dear Margo: I find myself in an unfamiliar territory asking a “stranger” for advice but I need someone outside of my circle to evaluate my situation. I had worked hard on raising my credit score for years in order to achieve my goal, which was to purchase a home. When I was finally ready to initialize my dream, I moved in with my aunt in order to save money. When looking for a house, I made my aunt come along, as it would be something we (she, my brother and I) would share. We sat down and had a discussion about splitting the mortgage and bills before I purchased the house. As the owner, I felt it fair that I naturally take the lion’s share of the mortgage while they would only need to pay $300 per month. We’ve been in this house for almost a year, and with the exception of one month, I’ve had to ask my aunt for her share every month! After the third month of asking, I sat down with her and explained that when she paid her share late, I was forced to put it in myself. She indicated she understood. And yet, I’m here asking for advice because she is still not paying her share. I think she has control issues. (Her daughter recently had a baby, and she buys things for the baby so I know she has the money. She just chooses not to give it to me in a timely manner.) — Desperate
Dear Des: Money and relatives always have the potential for conflict. Given the situation you describe, I would tell Auntie that you are no longer able to carry her, you are uncomfortable prying the agreed-upon “rent” out of her, so you have decided that if she does not contribute on the date agreed upon, you will have to look for a new third in the house, and perhaps she can live with her daughter. She will either start paying on time or she will leave, most probably not on the best of terms. — Margo, pragmatically
Who’s on first — or who’s on the table?
Dear Margo: I’m getting married next month. My intention was to have a memory table in the vestibule of the church with pictures of family that have passed on for both my fiance and myself. Here is the issue: After my grandmother passed away, we found out that the man who raised my mother was not her biological father. The man that raised her had remarried, and the new wife had forced him to stop seeing us, so we saw no issues with finding my biological grandfather. He turned out to be a wonderful man who passed away within only four short years of our knowing him. I wanted to put his picture on the table as well but my mother has argued against it. Her reasons are that we informed my great-grandmother (my grandmother’s mother) that his (bio grandpa’s) wife would be there and she was fine; no problem. Then my great-grandmother called my aunt (mom’s sister) who has never seemed to handle the fact that she and my mother had different fathers very well, and proceeded to say that my mother was slandering my grandmother’s name and all this other crap. My grandmother is dead, and the man is dead, as well. I really wanted a remembrance of him there. My mother asked me not to because of the rest of the family. I think they should mind their own damn business. Am I wrong here? — Sad Bride
Dear Sad: I think a table with photographs of rellies who’ve passed on is a lovely idea. And to you, this non-biologically related man was a rellie. Ignore the squirrelly aunt with her “issues,” and put on the table whomever you please. If this aunt does say something, tell her you feel sure, were her mother alive, she would not feel slandered, you have fond feelings for the man, and it is your wedding. — Margo, independently
Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.
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