Dear Amy: My husband’s brother and his wife opted not to have children years ago. Instead, they have a little dog that they think is adorable and talk baby talk to.
The issue I have is that their dog is not trained very well and my husband, “Bradley,” always volunteers to dogsit when they are gone. Last year, we watched this pup for 39 days. This dog barks all the time and goes potty in our house, and they insist that it sleep in bed with us.
When they get back from one of many vacations, my husband tells them it was a pleasure having the dog and we’d be glad to do it anytime.
Since I’m the person looking after this beast most of the time (my husband works outside the home all day), how do I get my husband to quit volunteering our (my) time watching it?
I’ve spoken to him about it many times and he always agrees with me and then volunteers to do it again.
What to do? I’m ready to scream! — Put Upon
Dear Put Upon: What — pooch got your tongue?
Have you been driven so crazy by the incessant barking, babytalking and co-sleeping that you have lost the power of speech?
How about trying this?
The next time your husband “volunteers” to dogsit, you could pipe up and say, “Actually, Bradley speaks for himself. The fact is, I end up taking care of the dog almost full time when it’s with us, and I just can’t do it anymore. You’re going to have to figure out another arrangement.”
And — I’m speaking here as a proud pooch owner — nobody should tell you who or what will sleep in your bed. That’s just barking mad.
Dear Amy: My girlfriend and I have been dating again for the past six months after a two-year break in which she completed her graduate degree in the city where we met.
We took time off because she was not ready to settle down. During our off period we dated and were intimate with other people. I still work with one of the people that I dated, and I have come to realize that I still have considerable feelings for this person.
Now my girlfriend has moved more than 1,000 miles and gotten a job where I live. This seemed like a good idea at the time, but it’s not working out so well.
I love my girlfriend very much, but our relationship has been difficult since her arrival, and considering the strong feelings I have for this other person I am confused.
I wonder how much my feelings for this other woman affect my relationship with my girlfriend.
Is this something that I will have to deal with throughout my life and relationships? — Big Sigh
Dear Big: During the rest of your life, you won’t have to deal with this sort of thing perennially — unless you have two romantic relationships going at once, which, based on your current misery, I don’t recommend.
Your girlfriend was not ready for a committed relationship during the time you spent apart. Now she is, and she seems to have turned her life inside out to be with you, but you’re having second thoughts.
You’re going to have to plunge in, confront your problems, tell the truth about your misgivings and let the tears fall where they may. Do not use your feelings for this other person as an excuse to flee from your relationship, but as a reason to face your problems. Couples counseling would help.
Dear Amy: Regarding “Aunt Pat,” who had a niece who bragged constantly about the kids, we raised five great children and frowned on braggers (bores).
My method was that, if you are smart, good-looking, gifted, athletic, etc., others will know it and you do not have to tell them how great you are. — Worked for Us in LA
Dear Worked: Bragging tends to convey insecurity; if you’ve really got it, there’s no need to flaunt it.
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