Dear Amy: I’m the only daughter in a close family of five siblings. Our father died several years ago, and I’ve become the child our mother relies on most for emotional support.
My two middle brothers and I are all married and have families of our own.
We’re a close family, and though we live far apart, we make an effort to get together on the holidays.
My oldest brother is gay and a month ago announced that he and his partner of five years are going to get married in the coming year. He would like the whole family to attend the wedding.
All of us like his partner, and we are eager to attend the wedding.
The problem is our mother. She has made it clear that she doesn’t “believe” in gay marriage and will not attend any ceremony or approve their union.
My brother has told us that he will have nothing to do with her if she can’t find it in her heart to go to her own son’s wedding.
To make matters worse, my youngest brother has just announced that he’s also engaged — to a woman he met six months ago.
Our mother is very excited about their wedding (which will occur before my oldest brother’s wedding).
The holidays are coming up, and my oldest brother is refusing to attend any family get-togethers with our mother present until she agrees to attend his wedding.
She thinks he’s being immature (he’s 50).
I don’t want to take sides, but the whole thing is putting a cloud over our family.
What can I do to make them both attend the same events? — Caught in the Middle
Dear Caught: Gay marriage isn’t like Santa Claus — it’s not something you “believe in.” It simply is.
Your brother is understandably outraged over your mother’s rejection, but he is penalizing other family members by staying away from you if she is present.
You might point out to him that his behavior is similar to your mother’s.
You could then tell your mother that she is being petty, illogical and unkind, and that you, personally, will not let her choice affect your other family relationships.
Then you should stay out of it.
You may not be able to broker a peace between them, and so you should encourage them both to express themselves directly to one another, and not go through you.
Dear Amy: I’m a jewelry artist, and a few days ago I had an open house to make room for new creations.
I invited friends and acquaintances — no strangers.
One of my friends, “Brenda,” bought a piece, and I packaged it up in a gift bag.
She went into the bathroom, leaving her gift bag behind. When Brenda returned to the table, it was gone.
Earlier, I’d noticed another guest, “Candy,” holding a gift bag.
I remember thinking that was weird because she hadn’t bought anything.
Candy left shortly afterward.
I’m convinced that Candy took the necklace.
Hoping to give her an “out,” I sent out an e-mail to all my guests, suggesting that someone must’ve taken the gift bag by mistake with their purchases, and please return it because I had to refund Brenda her money.
I’m so frustrated and angry. I’m going to have a hard time being civil to Candy.
God help her if I see her wearing that necklace! — Royally PO’D
Dear PO’d: There is nothing more you can do about this, and so unless you can prove “Candy” took it, you will have to move on.
Dear Amy: I’ve decided to give small presents to people for the holidays this year due to the economy.
How do I “make the thought count”? — Stefanie
Dear Stefanie: You can make the thought count by creating homemade gifts.
I love this idea and hope other readers are inspired to follow your lead.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
