As I might have mentioned, occasionally I sneak behind the gigantic pay wall of the Future News Agency. It’s really expensive, but you also get the name of the 2011 Super Bowl MVP, so I figure I’ll make it all back in Macau.
Sorry, can’t tell you. Might ruin the odds.
There’s lots of other stuff on there too. 2011 is going to be a very interesting year. Just a few samples:
The Broncos will admit their big mistake was going outside the family to hire Josh McDaniels and say they’ve learned their lesson. The new brain trust will consist of John Elway, Gary Kubiak and Sammy Winder.
Jake Plummer will take a break from the pro handball circuit to tweet he should have been considered.
E. Stanley Kroenke will buy the state of Minnesota.
Brett Favre will announce his shoulder is feeling better and he’s considering another comeback. The Edmonton Eskimos will express interest but warn he’ll have to compete with Ricky Ray.
Carmelo Anthony will buy a Park Avenue apartment building but insist he might still sign with Denver.
The Nuggets will deny a rift with their scoring star, saying they don’t object to Anthony working out on his own in New York and joining them only for games. Coach George Karl will explain: “There’s a window of New Yorkivication that provides an energy of elusiveness that has the potential to grandasize our offensive flow.”
After giving up eight or more goals in five straight games, the Avs will trade for the rights to Canadian junior goaltender Olivier Roy, explaining they’ve had good luck with Roys from Quebec.
Scott Boras will announce he has negotiated the first billion-dollar baseball contract, but it requires Carlos Gonzalez to play on Neptune.
CarGo will announce with regret that he is parting ways with Boras, nothing against Neptune.
Tim Tebow will start the Broncos’ 2011 season opener, fly to Haiti at halftime to help with relief efforts and return in time to sign autographs for each of the 75,000 fans at Invesco Field.
E. Stanley Kroenke will give Minnesota to his son Josh so he can buy Greece and avoid the European Union cross-ownership rule.
Facing a possible lifetime ban from the NFL, videographer Steve Scarnecchia will say he was shooting video of the 49ers’ cheerleaders in London, not the 49ers themselves.
Tiger Woods will believe him.
Mark Cuban will be seen driving Carmelo Anthony to games in a tricked-out Maybach, but will deny tampering charges, explaining they are discussing the future of wireless technology.
Melo will point out he never said he wanted to be traded and doesn’t know how anybody got that idea.
The Broncos will announce that Elway has final say on personnel, but if he is unavailable for any reason, Bubby Brister will take over.
As spring training opens, Troy Tulowitzki will take part in an American Indian ceremony to make Talking Stick, site of the Rockies’ new spring-training home, the name of his bat.
In his first session with reporters at spring training, Jim Tracy will recite more than 100 pages of the Federalist Papers.
Jon Embree will politely decline an offer from Dan Hawkins for the entire CU football team to study for a week at Hawkins’ new Zen Football Center in Boise, Idaho.
Troy Calhoun will turn down 126 job offers, including secretary of the Air Force and president of Greece.
Former CU receiver Scotty McKnight will admit that not only did he impersonate quarterback Tyler Hansen on Twitter, he also sent those texts to Jenn Sterger.
In an effort to reinvigorate their fan base, the Broncos will let season-ticket holders pick their next defensive coordinator.
Colorado State will hold a news conference to announce it still has a football program.
Nuggets general manager Masai Ujiri will apologize for dragging out the Melo trade drama, explaining he forgot to set his alarm and fell asleep for a month and a half.
In a rare news conference, the football gods will announce there will be no Pro Bowl if Champ Bailey isn’t in it.
Mike Shanahan will try to trade Clinton Portis for Bailey again, but Bubby Brister will turn him down.
I could tell you more, but I don’t want to give away the ending.
Dave Krieger: 303-954-5297, dkrieger@denverpost.com or
