Dear Amy: I have two sets of married friends whom I’ve been close to for more than 20 years. We all live in the same neighborhood and are all friends, traveling together and spending vacations together, etc.
I got divorced five years ago and am now single.
These two couples do a lot of things together without me, which is fine. However, lately it seems that I get left out of celebrations when I used to be included.
Recently, the four of them went with another couple to the mountains to celebrate one of their birthdays. I was not invited. And then, for someone else’s birthday, they all had dinner together. I was not invited.
I try to be open to us all socializing as we please, and I tell myself that we all don’t have to be together all the time, but I can’t help but be hurt when I get left out.
Am I being overly sensitive? — Left Out Friend
Dear Left Out: Married couples are like loons — they seem most comfortable with members of their own species.
However, you should examine your own behavior. Do you host events, invite your friends to your home and remember their special occasions? This exclusion could be a sign that you need to take more initiative.
This situation has put you in the uncomfortable position of revealing your own vulnerabilities to try to affect a renewal of your friendship. So tell them, “I know we don’t have to be joined at the hip for every occasion, but I miss being with you and want to make sure you’re not excluding me because of anything I’ve done.”
Dear Amy: I’m a 15-year- old girl, and I have an excellent boy friend (not a boyfriend, but a friend who is a boy). He is 17 and wants to take me skiing one weekend.
We have been friends for a very long time, and I know him well.
However, I am nervous that when I propose this short trip to my parents, they will be afraid that I will be attacked or something if I go with him alone. (We would be alone on this trip.)
Even though my parents don’t know him, I trust him completely.
Even if he tried something, I am a black belt in taekwondo and would be able to defend myself.
I really want to go on this trip, but my parents most likely won’t consent.
How can I prove to them that I am responsible and that they can trust a person who I trust? — Stressed for Trust
Dear Stressed: Most parents wouldn’t let their teen go away on a weekend trip alone with another teen (no matter the gender).
You are kidding yourself if you think a black belt in anything will serve to protect you in a vulnerable situation. In my view, running away might be the smartest defense if you are in trouble. But that’s beside the point. You will win your parents’ trust by being trustworthy. That means introducing them to your friends — especially this friend — and permitting them to do their job, which is to make decisions based on their (not your) best judgment.
Dear Amy: Furthering the discussion of pool safety in your column, teaching young children to swim is not a substitute for vigilance around a pool.
Every summer, I fought with my mother-in-law about her pool. She had a fence, but it was not locked!
My children were never allowed in the pool area unless there was a qualified swimmer around.
My mother-in-law always said that she could save the kids if they were drowning.
That nonsense stopped when I suggested that she prove it by jumping in and pulling a child who is not drowning out of the pool. Of course, she knew she could not! — Careful Mom
Dear Careful: It would be tragic to fail your lifesaving test in the midst of an emergency.
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