Dear Amy: My son dated and subsequently married a divorced woman with a daughter, “Chelsea,” who is now 13 years old.
When we became aware of this child in his life, we sent her $100 gifts for her birthday (late October) and for Christmas. We’ve done this for the past five years.
My son is the CPA for a famous band, so we get to see Chelsea each December when the band performs in our hometown.
We never have been thanked for these gifts. In fact, the girl totally ignored us at the concert this year, even though she was talking to her uncles not 3 feet away from us!
I asked my son to address the problem with his wife, but he angrily told me not to give any more gifts if I expected to get thanked.
I really love my daughter-in-law and don’t want to cause any problems. — Disrespected
Dear Disrespected: Try to see this from “Chelsea’s” point of view.
She is at a high-octane concert with other relatives when two people she barely knows stand not 3 feet away. She thinks these people are her stepdad’s parents, but she only sees them once a year. And she’s 13, so every single situation makes her uncomfortable.
I agree with you that the parents should smooth things out here, but they’re not doing their job, and you’re making things worse.
You should start focusing on trying to figure out how to get to know her. That way, when she sees you she will be able to greet you and pay you some much-needed attention.
Dear Amy: My daughter, 38, has been a compulsive skin picker since her teens. Her face and upper back bear the scars of this obsession.
Unfortunately, I did not realize when she was young that this is a form of OCD, responsive to a combination of counseling and medication.
Instead, I simply implored her to “stop picking.”
My daughter is a successful professional with a husband and two darling boys.
But the habit persists. She often has scabs on her face.
I have offered to pay for counseling and have been politely told to back off.
I have promised not to bring it up again. Is there anything I can do? Send her literature on the subject? Show her your advice from this column? — Concerned Mother
Dear Concerned: At 38, your daughter is old enough to make choices about how she wants to handle her problems. She may take your offer to pay for counseling as being condescending.
If you have pointed out the possibility that she may have OCD; if you have told her that this condition often responds well to treatment; and if you have urged her to get help, then you have done what you should do. Respect her wishes and back off.
Dear Amy: In your holiday column naming charities readers could consider for their holiday giving, thank you for recommending .
Please note, however, that while ANERA works in the West Bank, we do not work in the settlements. Settlements refer to housing projects for Israelis, which are a point of contention in peace negotiations between Israel and the Palestinians.
For more than 40 years, ANERA has been a leading provider of development, health, education and employment programs to Palestinian communities and impoverished families throughout the Middle East, most notably in West Bank, Gaza, Jordan and Lebanon.
We are nonpolitical in our work and serve the neediest in the Middle East. — Laurie Kassman, media relations,
Dear Laurie: Thank you for the correction and clarification. I appreciate the work of your organization and regret the error.
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