Dear Amy: I have a stepson who recently proposed to his girlfriend of four years. They plan to get married. Normally, I wouldn’t have a problem with this, but she is 42 and he just turned 29.
She has been married before and has no children.
My stepson has never been married and said he doesn’t want kids for at least another five to 10 years.
My opinion is that I think she should find someone closer to her age and quit cradle robbing.
Let’s face it, Amy, she is almost old enough to be his mother! Why on earth would he seek an older woman, and why would she want a younger man? Is there something wrong with this relationship? I think there is. — Puzzled in Colorado
Dear Puzzled: Your view (and mine) is really immaterial. This older woman is not robbing the cradle any more than your stepson is robbing the assisted-living facility.
These two people are both consenting adults (OK, she is somewhat more “adult” than he). Other than the fact that your stepson has a judgmental stepmother, the main issue this couple will have to grapple with is the matter of children. If he wants a child in five or 10 years, and if she doesn’t want (or is unable) to have children, they will face considerable challenges.
But until he asks you (or me) to weigh in, we should both keep our opinions to ourselves.
Dear Amy: I am struggling to gain perspective on the phenomenon of unreturned phone calls.
I have an only daughter in third grade. During the past couple of years, I have made more than a dozen phone calls inviting classmates over for play dates, and my phone calls were never returned.
I assure you I’m a pleasant, normal person who has a pleasant, normal daughter. Additionally, many of these parents have not met my daughter or me, and therefore could not have formed an unfavorable opinion of us.
It seems most probable that these women are simply overwhelmed with their lives and let the phone call fall through the cracks.
I know that people are so busy (and their children so scheduled) that setting up play dates is the furthest thing from their mind. But is this really the new acceptable etiquette?
It leaves me in such a terrible place. Should I call back again? And again?
I’m also curious if other readers have had similar experiences and what solutions they found. — Baffled Mother
Dear Baffled: Most school directories list parents’ contact numbers and e-mail addresses for work, home and cellphones, along with a notation about which is the preferred mode of contact. It is possible that you are leaving messages on phones the parents don’t check regularly.
Third-graders are just about old enough to make some of this contact themselves; if your daughter would like to invite someone over, you can help her navigate through this by teaching her to reach her friend directly, though she risks the same unreturned message.
People might be less compelled to return a call from someone they’ve never met concerning a play date with a child they don’t know, but regardless of how busy everyone is, it is still rude not to call back.
I take your word that you and your daughter are pleasant and well-mannered people, but being ignored by a dozen people might be a sign that your daughter faces social challenges. Ask her teacher’s advice.
Dear Amy: I’ve had a chuckle out of the New Year’s resolutions people have been sharing.
I am 90 years old, and I never made any resolutions.
My philosophy always was if you need to make a change in your life, do it right away. Why wait until New Year’s Day? — Phil in Southold, N.Y.
Dear Phil: I like your philosophy. Thank you.
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