Dear Amy: My boyfriend has been living with his roommate/ good friend for less than a year.
A couple of months into living together, his roommate started seeing their neighbor. Soon she began staying with the guys every day and night, even when they were both at work.
This neighbor doesn’t have a job or any money, and his roommate did not even like her but never told her to leave.
My boyfriend absolutely despises her because she does not contribute anything, doesn’t clean and eats all of their food.
Recently they found out she was pregnant with his roommate’s child and she moved all her stuff in.
She still isn’t doing anything but sitting on the couch, and my boyfriend is miserable.
Everyone he knows has told him he needs to move but he refuses to because he wants to live with his friend.
What should he/I do?— Frustrated
Dear Frustrated: Your boyfriend seems to have a high tolerance for drama.
In addition to everything else, I hope he can also tolerate having his sleep interrupted by a baby.
He may be waiting out his lease term, hoping that things will change. But if he is miserable and is cohabiting with someone he despises, he should file this under the “life’s too short” category and move on — or get them to move on.
You can’t force him to come to this realization. All you have to say is, “That’s tough. I hope you can figure out a solution because you seem really unhappy with the way things are.”
Dear Amy: My brother, who is 54, is refusing to come to our home because we have asked him not to bring his dog into our home.
His position is that the dog is his family and should be invited to our home — as all family members would be.
Our position is that this is our house, and we don’t want dogs in the house.
We can appreciate the affection he feels for his pet, but a dog is not a human family member and should not be afforded the same rights and treatment as a relative.
As my brother never entertains us at his home, this impasse means that we and our kids would rarely, if ever, see him.
I tried to reason with him, but he hung up on me.
I hate this rift, but I can’t understand his position on this and have failed to have him understand mine.
Is there any way out? — Patricia in Seattle
Dear Patricia: If your brother refused to have your children inside his house, would you be willing to leave the kids elsewhere while you visited with him?
For the sake of argument, let’s say you would.
I’m not saying his position is rational, but he has made it clear he considers his dog to be a full family member.
If he won’t invite you to his home, you could compromise by meeting at another location — a dog-friendly park, for instance.
Your children might help you bridge this gap by playing with the dog, and you should encourage them to enjoy the pup. After all, this dog is practically a cousin.
Dear Amy: In response to “Anxious Guy,” who was concerned about his girlfriend’s sexual history, I would suggest a different approach.
No one should ask a question unless they are prepared to deal with the answer. He clearly is not.
In situations such as this, it is often best for the parties involved to simply agree that they have “a past” and that they have put it behind them for their mutual future.
A sexual double standard still exists, with the woman often losing status and the man gaining status for the same behavior. Until that double standard changes, the less said, the better. — Silent
Dear Silent: I agree with your approach, as long as both parties really and truly put the issue behind them. “Anxious” could not.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
