Dear Amy: I recently saw a friend of my husband’s out with another woman.
The friend knew I had seen him with this woman, and we passed each other without him stopping to acknowledge me or introduce me. I did not say anything to him, either.
I know his wife and their kids, but I don’t know them well. They are my husband’s friends, and I don’t talk to or see them very often.
I feel that if I do nothing I am condoning his affair.
If I go out of my way to contact the wife I’m afraid I will get in big trouble with my husband and his friends for “tattling.”
What would you do in a case like this? — Stella
Dear Stella: You don’t say what this man and the other woman were doing when you saw them, but let’s imagine that you caught them in one of those movie romance montages: laughing or sharing an ice cream cone.
Then you have to ask yourself what you would want someone to do if she were in your shoes.
I would want to know — and if you agree, then you should tell.
You merely say, “I don’t know you and ‘Rob’ well, but I want you to know that I saw him buying Gerber daisies and sharing an ice cream cone with a woman yesterday.”
The wife might say she and her husband are separated.
She may tell you to mind your own business.
And all you have to say is, “I realize this is not my business, and it’s hard to tell you, but if my husband was seen with someone else I would want to know. I’m really sorry.” After this statement, your involvement in this saga is over.
If this qualifies as “tattling,” then plead guilty and know that you’ve acted on your own conscience — not based on some “guy code.”
Dear Amy: Is anyone in the world besides me offended by the trend of pregnant women wearing clothes stretched tightly across their huge bellies?
I know many people think pregnancy is beautiful (as if it’s something new) and should be paraded in front of the whole world.
To me, this is no different from an obese woman wearing tight-fitting clothes.
Good taste never goes out of style, but if this type of dress is tasteful, then I’ll just lie down on the railroad tracks and end it all! — LD
Dear LD: Your concern about this — and your willingness to lie down on a railroad track if someone doesn’t agree with you — gives new meaning to the phrase “fashion victim.”
Back when I was last pregnant, when covered wagons littered the prairie, some of us pregnant women wore tents capable of housing the entire cast of “The King and I,” not because we were embarrassed, but because Lycra hadn’t been invented.
I don’t find these body-hugging styles distasteful at all and can only marvel at the fabrics that can stretch all the way around a woman who is “great with child.”
Pregnancy is not new, nor is it a condition that a woman should have to disguise.
But, as you say, this style of dress is a matter of taste.
Dear Amy: You asked readers to report their unusual marital living situations.
My marriage has been conducted in separate homes, a few blocks apart, for 23 of what will be 40 years of marriage this year.
It has worked exceptionally well. My husband and I have very different “time clocks” and need separate space. The “one size fits all” concept works no better in marriage than in anything else. Today, women are less apt to accept the strictures of traditional marriage.
Hooray! Not all change is good, but this one is overdue. — Anne from Denver
Dear Anne: I’ve received many responses to this question.
I find these unusual living situations fascinating and will run more responses in future columns.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
