Dear Readers: Happy Valentine’s Day! I’ve decided to celebrate this romantic holiday by featuring relationship stories with a twist. Recently, I ran a letter from “Ms. Independent,” a middle-age, financially secure woman with children who is contemplating a second marriage.
She and her fiance have decided to marry but not live together. Instead, they will live in neighboring apartments. I asked readers to share their unconventional habitation stories.
Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for almost five years and have always lived apart. This is a second marriage for both of us.
When we were dating, we tried to blend the families, and it just wasn’t working that well, so we agreed to keep both houses until the kids are off on their own.
We feel we have the best of both worlds. We can see each other when we want, and if we don’t want to get together we are free to have our own time too.
It will be interesting to see what will happen when our kids are gone and we have the opportunity to buy a home together, but I am not 100 percent sure that will happen. — Happily Apart
Dear Amy: Thirty years ago, a 30-year-old bachelor moved in next door to me (I was 40), and we started a perfect relationship that has lasted for 25 years.
We loved the proximity as well as our continued independence, and neither of us wanted to get married.
Over the years, we have traveled together, invested in property jointly and maintained our opposite-sex friendships while remaining monogamous. We feel most fortunate to have separate residences. When we recently purchased new condos, we made sure we were still next-door neighbors. — C and M
Dear Amy: My 71-year-old “significant other” and I have lived in small, adjacent condominiums for 18 years.
It has turned out to be a perfect arrangement. We “live” between the two units, yet each has a private space.
We decorate to suit our own tastes, which are very different. I turned my bedroom into an office, and we sleep in his unit. We remain financially independent, although we have created joint bank accounts for shared expenses.
Our living arrangement began through serendipity but worked so well we chose to continue rather than move in to one unit. Several other couples in our building have said they envy our situation. — Happily Together
Dear Amy: My partner and I have shared our lives for almost six years. I am a widower, and she is a divorcee. For two years, we lived 23 miles apart.
When a condo became available in my development, she sold her home and bought it. It has been ideal. We share meals, major activities, and the joys and sorrows of her family and mine. We mischievously announced before assembled family members and friends at our commitment ceremony that, “separate monies and separate housing do not hinder conjugal bliss.” — A Happy 85-year-old
Dear Amy: More than 25 years ago, neighbors of mine introduced me to my future husband.
We were financially comfortable and each raising a teenager. We wondered if we were crazy to entertain marrying and living apart but felt it would be easier on our children. The kids are long gone, we are now both retired, approaching our 24th anniversary and still in our respective homes! — Best of Both Worlds
Dear Amy: My husband and I have lived separately for 20 years because of financial/ employment circumstances. We attribute our enduring marriage to this arrangement since we are a somewhat mismatched couple.
With retirement approaching, we are adding a second kitchen so we each can have our own apartment within one house. We are not sure we’ll even need it since we get along so well. — Separately Together
Write to askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
