Dear Amy: My mother is 84 years old. Two years ago she had hip surgery. My 40-year-old son hasn’t worked in more than four years because he won’t look for a job.
My sister and I both work, and because my son does nothing, we asked him to help his grandmother when she came home from the hospital.
He takes her shopping two times a week and to the doctor’s three times a month. He belittles her all the time and tells her she doesn’t remember anything anymore.
She pays all his bills for his apartment and gives him spending money. Somehow, he wound up with her new car. She takes a lot of money out of the bank for him each week and is draining her account to almost nothing.
We have spoken to him numerous times, but he won’t stop taking from her and so we have given up. I’m afraid she’ll soon be broke and not have money for her rent or bills, and we’re in no position to help her financially.
My sister and I talk to her all the time and have gotten nowhere because she doesn’t want to abandon him. Please, what else can we do? — Concerned
Dear Concerned: Your son is verbally abusing his grandmother and taking her money. You have asked him to stop, and he won’t.
You and your sister need to step in and be more forceful advocates for your mother. You can locate a local phone number to call for advice at the National Center for Elder Abuse through the Administration on Aging website (). Click on your state for a number you can call to speak with a social worker.
If professionals intervene, you should expect your son to cease contact. Though this might be your goal, it will have an impact on all of you. You and your sister will have to find ways to assist your mother that don’t expose her to exploitation.
Dear Amy: My wife and I were recently invited to have dinner with an old friend of hers, who recently moved to our city.
As a consideration, I brought two excellent and expensive bottles of pinot noir, which can be served with just about any food.
To my astonishment the wine was gratefully received and then not served.
The wine that was served was ordinary at best, and I couldn’t help but feel slighted throughout the evening.
When I mentioned it to my wife on the way home, it led to an argument. My wife claims that we were not asked to bring anything and that the wine was a gift. She told me to suck it up.
I say, come on, if I have to lower my standards to that degree, our friendship with this couple will not develop, and we need to educate them a little bit in the social graces.
I would chalk it up to a lesson learned and move on, but this is an important relationship to my wife. Please inform people some “gifts” are to be shared. — I Know I’m Right
Dear Right: It doesn’t seem to have occurred to you that your wife’s friend assessed the situation and decided to serve the wine you deserved.
Dear Amy: I am wondering what your take is on married women who wear tops that allow men to see a little more of their breasts than I think they should.
Am I just a prude thinking it’s not right for a married woman to wear something that will allow the men she works with to see her bra or breasts each time she bends forward or reaches for something? I always assume that women who wear attention- getting tops are single and looking for a man. Am I totally wrong? — Curious
Dear Curious: I have news for you. Sometimes, women who wear turtleneck tops and thick-soled shoes are “single and looking.”
It is obvious that you don’t like the current body-hugging clothing styles.
But you shouldn’t make any particular assumptions about these women based on their clothing choices — other than the fact that they obviously think they look awesome.
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