Dear Amy: My parents are in their mid-80s, and both have had major health issues over the past year.
They absolutely refuse to consider moving to an apartment/condo or small bungalow, even though their large, two-story home (and yard with flower and vegetable gardens, and a lot of grass to cut) is too much for them.
They are relying heavily on their children and grandchildren to help out.
We don’t mind helping out when we can, but they seem to forget that we have families, jobs and homes of our own to deal with.
They call frequently for help at home or for repairs.
There have been times when none of us is available, and when we suggest they call a repairperson, they tell us that would be too expensive. Trust me, they can afford it.
The vegetable garden is far bigger than what they need, but they insist on planting the whole area, which requires a good deal of help.
The staircase is very steep, and they are both unsteady. This is a worry for us all.
We feel as if we are parents looking after very stubborn children!
Any suggestions on how to get them to listen to us? — Totally Frustrated
Dear Frustrated: Roll up your sleeves, because at this stage in life there will be times when you have to put your folks at the top of your list. Accept it.
You and your siblings should figure out how to spread the duties.
You also must start to draw boundaries so you can concentrate on the most essential tasks. If you can’t do their gardening, say so.
This is not one conversation, but a series of decisions you’ll all have to make.
Talk with your folks about their safety issues. Perhaps they can move to the ground floor of their home. You should install grab bars and railings where needed.
If they need household help and say they can’t afford it, offer to go over their finances with them.
Once you start to face some of these issues, your folks will feel more comfortable making some of these big decisions.
Dear Amy: I have been dating my wonderful boyfriend for almost two years now, and it is very evident that the two of us will take the next step at some point and get married.
My boyfriend has a high school friend who is getting married this summer.
I have met this friend once. She knows our relationship status.
She addressed the invitation to my boyfriend and did not include me.
We were confused by this.
My boyfriend e-mailed the bride for clarification, and her response was that her wedding was at a “small venue” and they did not have room for me.
I feel irritated that she would be so tacky as to not invite me as my boyfriend’s guest, but I also feel as though it’s her wedding and she can do as she pleases.
I also feel my boyfriend needs to stand up for me and say that he will not attend unless I am invited. — Excluded
Dear Excluded: Marrying couples should politely include live-in or engaged partners in their wedding invitations. “It is very evident that we will at some point get married” doesn’t fit into either category.
Your boyfriend has been told that you are not included.
He has a decision to make.
Dear Amy: Thank you for printing the letter from “Touche,” who brought his own bottle of wine when invited to dinner but would not share it if the hostess served “swill.”
My husband and I laughed all evening, and we heartily agree that Touche would be much better off just eating in his car instead of inflicting his bad manners on other people. — Cracked Up
Dear Cracked Up: Occasionally someone serves up the perfect comeback. Thank you, Touche.
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