Dear Amy: How do you handle it when a “friend” insults you publicly?
I have a positive and enthusiastic outlook most of the time.
Recently, my friend and I were part of a group working together at church. When I showed enthusiasm for something that we were doing, she stated, “Little things please little minds.”
I was quite embarrassed to have that comment made in this circle of people whom I enjoy and respect.
My instinct is to withdraw and to be quiet so I won’t be insulted again. Although I want to forgive and forget to preserve the “friendship,” I don’t want to be treated this way.
How would you handle this situation? — Sensitive Friend
Dear Sensitive: I often say in this space, “Friends tell each other the truth,” and so the burden is on you if you want to repair your friendship and — importantly — preserve your self-esteem.
When this person made this unfortunate remark, it would have been best if you had been able to marshal the poise and confidence to react in the moment with honesty and a touch of humor.
“Well, now, that’s not at all embarrassing!” you could have said.
I think it’s likely that your church colleague didn’t realize that this remark would have stung you so much.
After the fact, you should privately educate her about how her behavior affected you.
She may deflect or diminish your reaction — but that’s her problem. If she’s smart, she’ll cop to this thoughtless remark and allow you to forgive her.
And then you should.
Dear Amy: My boyfriend and I have been together for about a month or so. He has two kids, and I have a child, as well.
We’ve known each other for more than three years; there has always been a spark between us, and now that we’re together, I’m so happy.
I can see myself marrying him, and he has the same feelings about me.
My question is, is it bad that we have all these plans after a month of dating?
I love him so much, and he loves me too. I’m just not sure how my family would feel about our plans after being together for such a short time.
And if they oppose our marriage, how can I explain it to them to help them realize our views on this? — Love Struck
Dear Love: You two are happily in love. Good for you!
Enjoy this. Revel in it. But don’t discuss any marriage plans with your family until you have been together long enough to see at least one season change.
You don’t say what your mutual romantic histories are — or how old your children are — but this is an opportunity for both of you to do things right with the goal of getting things right.
Doing things right means being respectful, careful, judicious, kind and caring. It means talking, talking, talking about your values and demonstrating positive values to all of your children.
If your children and extended families see you making such an effort, they should be delighted to learn that you two want to marry. In fact, they may suggest it.
Write to askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
