Dear Amy: There is a girl in my class who always asks me for rides after school and activities.
My parents drive, and they are a bit fed up with the many requests and the distance to her house.
She is always polite to them and overwhelms them with gratitude when we do drive her, but gas is expensive and she lives 20 minutes away.
I’ve told her this, but she still asks!
We’ve never hung out outside of school and sometimes when she asks, she pulls in more friends to give rides to saying, “Don’t feel bad saying no, but. …”
I want to say, “You can’t use me for rides!” or “Pay my parents gas money!” but I feel guilty because she’s pleasant to me in school and she would take public transportation home if we didn’t drive her.
She’s not exactly rich, which is another reason I feel bad, but then again, neither am I! She’s either clueless or inconsiderate. I want to say something, but I’m not sure what. — Baffled Classmate
Dear Classmate: Your parents are the ones doing the driving, and so if they no longer want to accommodate this girl, they should say, “I’m sorry, but going to your house adds too much time to our commute. We won’t be able to drive you anymore unless it’s an emergency.”
It’s important to remember that anyone can ask for anything, and if the answer is yes some of the time, then the asker feels justified. It is not her fault if the request itself makes you uncomfortable — that’s your problem.
There is another way to go here, however. And that is to sigh, smile and give in.
She should never offer rides to other people, of course, but if your folks can afford the money for gas, then why not just chalk this up as a nice thing your family is doing for someone else?
Dear Amy: A few years ago, I became friends with a woman who was dating a co-worker. She was quirky, but we got along well. Shortly after we became friends, I got engaged and when one of my bridesmaids had to drop out of the wedding, I asked this woman to step in.
Then things started getting weird. She needed so much attention, and it became exhausting to spend time with her.
On a trip to the bridal shop, she tried on as many wedding dresses as I did (she is not engaged)! Other friends told me she was obnoxious and rude.
My co-worker broke up with her and she immediately attached herself to me, demanding that I spend time with her and taking me on this emotional roller coaster every time we hung out.
My husband and I have now moved to another state.
There was no blowout; I just stopped picking up the phone. Now she has written me a couple of e-mails asking what happened to me. Do I owe her an explanation for why I cut off contact?
I feel guilty about “breaking up” with her in such a way. But telling her why I don’t like her anymore seems as cruel as ignoring her. What should I do? — Looking to Move On
Dear Looking: The plot of your letter sounds like “Bridesmaids 2: Revenge of the Ninja Maid.”
Respond to an e-mail from her in a friendly and cool way by saying, “I’ve been super busy and am very involved with work and our new home just now. I hope you are doing well.”
If you feel you are stringing her along, you will have to actually break up with her, but a cool distance might do the trick.
Dear Amy: My daughter and I communicate through text messages throughout each day.
However, her “Happy Mother’s Day” message to me was also a text.
I found it hurtful and felt that a phone call would have been more appropriate. So in the text-versus-phone debate, I feel that the message content should dictate the method. — Paula in Los Angeles
Dear Paula: I completely agree.
Write to askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
