Dear Amy: More than a month ago my husband of 11 years lost his wedding ring while we were on a family river trip.
With four kids and little spare income, I told him about a sale at the local jewelers for a ring that cost $50. He looked at the ring but complained that it was too simple- looking. He said he wanted to wait until we could afford at least a $500 ring.
It could take years before we have enough money for that! Where do we meet in the middle?
I feel disrespected that he’s willing to go without his ring, and his friends and co-workers are starting to wonder if we’re having marital problems. — Ringed
Dear Ringed: A wedding band is a powerful symbol, and this symbol is fulfilled just as well by a beer can pop-top as by a fancy ring.
Although you shouldn’t spend even a moment worrying about what other people think, I can imagine your own personal sensitivity about this.
Your husband should ponder how he would feel if you had lost your ring and told him that only an expensive replacement that would take years to afford would do.
I often see wedding bands for sale at flea markets and vintage stores. I suggest you buy an affordable one as close as possible to the version he wants and present it to him as a gift.
Tell him that he deserves a $500 ring and you hope one day he’ll be able to have it, but that looking at his hand and seeing a ring on his finger would make you feel good every day until then.
Dear Amy:I just started college, and I recently became involved with a guy I did not know very well. I recently found out that he has a very nice girlfriend. They’ve been together for seven months.
I’ve ended it between us, but my conscience is directing me to tell the girl that she is dating a serial cheater.
What should I do, Amy? This guy is a very high-status man, so if I ruin his relationship with her then he will try to sabotage my college experience.— Worried Freshman
Dear Worried:Your primary job is to pay attention to your own life. You do not need to save this guy’s girlfriend from him, nor should you be intimidated by his social standing. You’ve done the right thing so far. Now you should walk away from the drama.
Consider this a valuable lesson. Call it “Relationship: 101.” Do not get romantically or sexually involved with people until you know them well enough to be certain of their character.Dear Amy:I have been fascinated by the letters in your column questioning whether to keep or destroy a diary. My dear mom kept a diary from 1942. I found it after she passed away in 1997.
As an only child with no children of my own, I thoroughly enjoyed reading my mom’s diary. I formulated a joyful profile of her as a 20-year-old woman.
She wrote about trips to Philadelphia with a “handsome new guy” in her life (whom later she married and who became my dad). She noted my father’s incredible singing voice, his “hot looks” and the new “Glenn Miller” band that they went to see together.
I absolutely devoured every word she wrote. It was quite an experience to picture your own parents as youthful as you were.
Bravo to keeping a record of life experiences! Don’t destroy those writings!— Grateful Kid
Dear Grateful:As I peruse my own mother’s writings from the same fascinating era, I “second that emotion.”Dear Amy:I think that people should be careful in keeping diaries. When he died, we found my father’s diary, and much of it was filled with harsh words about many people. I took a direct hit at one point, leaving me in tears and feeling that he did not love me.
The bad thing is that we cannot talk about it and smooth it over because he is dead. So now I have those harsh and unfounded comments burned into my brain. — Words From the Grave
Dear Word:I am so sorry.
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