Dear Amy: My brother is getting married outdoors and has invited all of his friends to bring their dogs to his wedding. His own dog, a coyote/pit bill mix, will be part of the wedding ceremony.
The trouble is that my 4-year-old, who is also part of the ceremony, is frightened of dogs (I am sure this is partly my own doing), and my 16-month-old seems to want to run and pet every dog he sees.
I am afraid of dogs, and the pit bull/coyote mix scares me.
I don’t want my children to be afraid of dogs, yet I am afraid of them.
How should I handle this?
Dear Frightened: I shared your letter with Julie Klam, author of “Love at First Bark: How Saving a Dog Can Sometimes Help You Save Yourself.” The author reports that as a child she was bitten by a dog, but she has overcome her fears and now has three dogs in her household — and an 8-year-old human daughter.
Klam says, “Find a friend or relative with a small, low-key adult dog and arrange to go and visit a few times.
“Take it super slow. I’ve had kids who are afraid come to meet my dogs and they are really anxious at first but then when the dogs are calm and aren’t jumpy, they feel a little braver and sometimes may even pet them. (Just standing nearby is enough at first.)
“When kids get through it, they feel so proud of themselves that they frequently want to go further.”
I agree with this advice to acquaint yourselves in advance with dogs you know are calm and good with children.
The more successful encounters you have with dogs, the easier this will be, but you should tell your children to never touch a dog without the owner’s permission.
If the child is not able to handle it at this point, she/he should be excused from the wedding party.
Just because this is what your brother wants to do, doesn’t mean his canine wedding is a great idea for you and your kids. You may have to enjoy this from a distance.
Dear Amy: My husband and I recently separated; few of my co-workers are aware of this.
My company holiday party is coming up, and I know that I will be asked multiple times, “Where is your husband?”
How do I answer these questions without making people uncomfortable?
Dear Colleague: I agree with you that the company holiday party is not the time or place to disclose or even discuss your marital situation.
You don’t need to offer extended explanations about your situation.
At the party, when you are asked, “Where is your husband?” you can say, “I’m so sorry but unfortunately we had a conflict.” (Conflict — get it? A secret double-entendre may ease your nerves.)
Then you change the subject by saying something along the lines of, “And hey, Marlene — tell me what your Christmas plans are this year. Are you going away?”
I think people are skeptical when I recommend this, but practicing this encounter in a mirror or with a friend will help a lot.
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