Dear Amy: I broke up with a boyfriend of four years recently. He has a son (he has custody every other weekend) who will be turning 10 soon.
I met his son when he was a toddler and have seen him regularly since then and I would like to send a birthday card, maybe some cash, too.
Would it be weird? Can it be construed as an attempt to try to be “with” the ex? I have not contacted my ex nor seen him since we broke up, and the breakup was his idea.
I don’t want this young boy to think I have forgotten him — or his birthday. Is it OK for me to send him a card, or should I avoid this issue? — Wondering
Dear Wondering: You should send the boy a card. This birthday is about him, not about you or your relationship with your ex. Birthdays are very important — because you are basically celebrating someone’s very existence.
You cannot control how this gesture is construed, nor should you spend too much time worrying about it.
Don’t send money, though. If you want to give this boy a gift, send him an age-appropriate book. Many boys don’t have enough books in their lives.
Dear Amy: My wife’s best friend is getting remarried and is planning a $50,000 wedding. We are all in our early 60s.
I am retired, and my wife is working. We (including my wife’s best friend and her fiance) are comfortable but not well-off.
My opinion is they should not be remortgaging the house to do this and should be saving for retirement, but it is not for me to say how other people should spend their money.
My wife is in the wedding party and is expected to stay two nights at an expensive wedding resort. With gift, wardrobe, flowers, lodging, food and whatever other expenses come along, we are looking at spending $1,000.
I am uncomfortable being asked to participate in what I think is an extravagance. My wife wants to be supportive. I don’t want to appear mean-spirited.
What’s your advice? — Sensible Senior
Dear Sensible: Like any other extravagance, this is for you and your wife to negotiate.
In my view, if you can afford it and your wife really wants to attend, you should.
Dear Amy: I take great issue with your response to “Concerned Fan,” a nanny who took her young charges to college hockey games. She was concerned about the language used by the middle-age male season ticket holders who sat behind them during the games.
By saying, “What happens in hockey stays in hockey,” you basically condoned this behavior. I think this young woman should notify security immediately. — Upset Dad
Dear Dad: Several readers felt I promoted a pro-swearing agenda in my answer. But I took this as a teachable moment for the kids — that sometimes they will hear things that they shouldn’t repeat, but hearing these things won’t hurt them.
You are correct that the nanny can report this swearing to ushers, but unless it is truly out of hand, I don’t think she should.
Write to askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
