Dear Amy: This past summer I lent my daughter more than $2,000. This was supposed to be a “summer loan,” and she was going to pay me back in September. It is now many months later, and I have not seen a penny of repayment toward this loan. Now she is talking about buying a new television.
Am I wrong for being upset? How do I ask her for this money back?
I work 10 months out of the year and try to save my money so that for the two months that I don’t work I have some “play” money. — Upset Mother
Dear Mother: Rather than wonder if your feelings are “wrong,” you should devote more energy to validating your own feelings and then acting upon them.
Here’s how you ask for your money back: “Honey, you owe me $2,000. I’d like to be paid back. When can I expect it?”
Your daughter might react by behaving as if she is shocked, shocked by your suggestion that she should repay this money. Anticipate this and practice the encounter in advance. Assume an attitude of calm and steely resolve and deliver a consequence if this money isn’t repaid.
Unless you want to try to shake the money loose by suing her or marching her in front of Judge Judy, the most obvious consequence is that this is the one and only “loan” she will ever receive from you.
Dear Amy: One of my husband’s best friends from college recently became engaged. My husband and another college friend were both asked to be groomsmen.
The other friend’s wife was asked to be a bridesmaid, despite the fact that the three of us girls all met at the same time and that the other wife and I have roughly the same limited relationship with the bride.
The bride has 11 bridesmaids, none of whom she knows terribly well. I don’t want to be a bridesmaid. However, I would really prefer not to attend the wedding at this point. The three people I would socialize with (my husband, his friend and his friend’s wife) are all in the wedding.
I will be by myself during the day of the wedding, during the ceremony itself and possibly even during the reception. It’s a destination wedding, so it is not an inexpensive event.
Can I get out of going?
I don’t want to appear as though I’m acting out in a huff over being excluded; I just feel somewhat unwelcome, and more importantly, it just won’t be much fun for me. Should I ask the bride if I’ve done something to offend her? — Bothered
Dear Bothered: Evidently, your social skills are so limited that you can only attend a wedding if you are guaranteed “much fun” and you can only have fun if you are in the wedding party.
I agree that it is somewhat embarrassing not to be included in a wedding party that has a greater population than the state of Rhode Island — but on the other hand, being part of this massive bridal army doesn’t exactly confer exclusive status on the bridesmaids — and so, grow up already.
You are married. I assume you and your husband had a wedding ceremony. Imagine one of your wedding guests reacting as rudely as you are right now.
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