Do you find yourself anticipating the runners in goofy outfits more more than predicting which elite racer will lead the way across the finish line? Maybe it’s time to go from spectator to spectacle.
Colorado’s most small-d democratic adventure competitions emphasize and celebrate creativity and joie de vivre far more than athletic prowess. Many of them also owe more to those Japanese reality TV game shows featured on YouTube than they do to the Ironman, or even the Bolder Boulder.
What competitors lose in pride and cash — these large-scale adventure events are thinly disguised moneymakers that, with a couple of charity exceptions, handsomely benefit the organizers — they gain in memorable photographs, video footage and bragging rights. Use our handy guide to figure out which keg-at-the-end mettle-detector is right for you.
Frozen Dead Guy Days Coffin Races
Talk about a dead heat! The race to the finish is a team effort that requires building a coffin capable of containing someone (warm and alive) weighing at least 75 pounds, carried by costumed and bike-helmeted pall bearers over a frozen course that only looks short. Awards for fastest team, best team theme and best team costumes.
Entry fee: $70. Limited to 30 teams; advance online registration required.
For: Undead wannabe athletes who know how to build a coffin.
2 p.m. Mar. 3, Frozen Dead Guy Days, Nederland; frozendeadguydays.org, 303-506-1048 and fdgd2010@gmail.com
Cardboard Classic
Got cardboard? And duct tape, packing tape, masking tape, water-based paint, glue, string and imagination? See if you can make a craft that can carry someone all or most of the way down the Headwall run at Steamboat Springs Ski Resort before disintegrating. A fast finish matters less than ingenuity, with prizes for original crafts and reproductions. All entrants’ names go into a drawing for a 2012-13 season ski pass.
Entry fee: $10, due at check-in. Limited to 50 entries; advance registration required.
For: Destination ImagiNation and Odyssey of the Mind fans who never grew up and like snow.
Apr. 14, Steamboat Springs;
Madam Lou Bunch Day Bed Races
They provide the brass bed on wheels, you provide the team of two men and a woman. The men take turns pushing or riding in the bed; the woman’s job is to use her feet to keep the bed in place when the men switch places at the halfway point. Tip to competitors: Have the stronger guy do the pushing on the return trip, which is uphill. Cash prizes for the fastest team and the best costume. The award to avoid is Worst in Bed, which goes to the slowest team.
Entry fee: $300 per team
For: Prurient players with a good pair of lungs.
Noon June 18, Main Street, Central City; centralcitycolorado.us, 303-601-1023, anhcrzy@aol.com
Breckenridge Outhouse Race
“Taking a powder” assumes new meaning in a competition that requires people to really use their heads. Competitors build an outhouse at least 4 feet from the floor to the highest point of the roof, and which contains a toilet attached to the outhouse and upon which a team member is seated during the one-block race. Wheels help: One year a team entered an unmodified outhouse that toppled over and had to be dragged to the finish line. Cash prizes for the top three finishers, and for the People’s Choice category.
Entry fee: Free.
For: Competitors who’ve REALLY gotta go.
1 p.m. June 17, Ridge Street, Breckenridge;
Rugged Maniac
Athletic competition or YouTube hilarity in the making? You decide. This 5-kilometer race (the site explains that means “3.2 miles,” a tip-off that the competition largely is not going to be on the level of the Bolder Boulder’s elite category) features barbed wire, fire, tunnels, mud, water, cargo nets, etc. When you finish, you’ll be ready for the beer-soaked after-party.
Entry fee: $68 until March 30, when the fee goes up $10 per month afterward. Spectators pay $10.
For: Weekend warriors who are equally optimistic about their fitness level and nostalgic about fraternity (or sorority) hazing days.
8:45 a.m. (first wave) May 19, Thunder Valley Motocross Park,701 South Rooney Road, Lakewood;
Tough Mudder
With a 10-mile course and 26 formidable obstacles prepared by organizers who keep April Fool’s Day in their hearts all year long, this may be the most demanding of eccentric, impediment-studded races. Monkey bars greased here and there with butter, sheer walls made slicker with water and a curtain of live electric wires (up to 10,000-volt shocks) at the finish line.
Entry fee: $155 until April 30, $200 May 1-June 2.
For: Competitors hoping to be cast in a Japanese reality TV game show.
June 9 and 10, Beaver Creek Resort, Vail;
Urban Assault Ride
Sign up with a teammate to bicycle a checkpoint-studded route through town, pausing at each checkpoint to park your bicycle and complete a whimsical challenge (slide across an inflatable Slip’n’Slide, race tricycles through an obstacle course) before hopping back on the bikes to head for the next checkpoint. The goal: Complete the circuit in the shortest amount of time. Clever route-planning may beat the jocks, but it’s less about who wins than the after-party featuring New Belgium Brewery’s finest suds.
Entry fee: Starts at $30 per person.
For: Cyclists whose sense of humor balances their appetite for competition.
9 a.m. July 15, New Belgium Brewing Co., 500 Linden St., Fort Collins;
9 a.m. July 22, Skyline Park, 16th and Arapahoe streets, Denver;
Warrior Dash
Does a mile run leave you winded? Are you OK with crawling through mud? Would you put more effort into creating a superhero costume than you do into doing reps at the gym or putting some mileage on your running shoes? Then welcome to the Warrior Dash, a 5-kilometer obstacle challenge that’s as much about the lulz as the medals. Expect cold water, mud, climbing vertical walls, crawling under barriers (including barbed wire), navigating hanging tires and sprinting uphill. The top three finishers in each age bracket earn souvenir helmets.
Entry fee: $65 (Aug. 18) and $55 (Aug. 19) increases by $10 after June 24.
For: Weekend (or monthly) warriors who say (or think) things like, “I wish I hadn’t had that Bloody Mary before the race today.”
9 a.m. Aug. 18 and 19, Copper Mountain ski resort, 209 Ten Mile Circle, Copper Mountain;
Pedal the Plains
This new three-day family-oriented bicycle tour on Colorado’s Eastern Plains is billed as a “race for the rest of us.” That means bicyclists who don’t quite feel equal yet to tackling Ride the Rockies or the Colorado Bicycle Tour, but who are undaunted by cycling 30 to 100 miles. Pedal the Plains, presented by the governor’s office, The Denver Post and Viaero Wireless, is not really a race. Participants have all day to pedal from one host town to the next, and the emphasis is more about showcasing (and consuming) Colorado-grown food than it is on Spandex.
Entry fee: to be determined.
For: Recreational bicyclists new to multi-day tours, and recreational athletes aspiring to burn more calories than they consume.
Sept. 21-23, route and location to be announced in March 2012; 303.954.6701
Denver Gorilla Run
Now in its ninth year, this singular event includes a gorilla suit in the registration fee, so competitors are all set for Halloween as well as for future Gorilla Runs. This is a fundraiser for the Mountain Gorilla Conservation Fund, so participants are encouraged to collect pledges from donors. Prizes for the highest fundraiser, the top finishers, the farthest-traveled, senior gorilla and largest family.
Entry fee: $99 (includes gorilla suit), $50 (returning Gorillas and first-time Little Gorillas, who get a gorilla suit that fits runners up to 4 feet tall).
11 a.m. Oct. 27, starts at Wynkoop Brewing Co., 1634 18th St., Denver; denvergorillarun.com, 720-524-0272, info@denvergorillarun.com
Claire Martin: 303-954-1477 or cmartin@denverpost.com
