Master networkers often tell us that nearly everyone we come in contact with can serve as a potential business connection. While that may be true, I often find myself reluctant to talk business with everyone in my social circle — particularly fellow parents who I often encounter when I attend my school functions or sporting events.
Where does my hesitancy come from? For starters, at these kids-centered events, I’m usually dressed down. I worry that without my “business uniform,” people won’t take me seriously or I’ll appear unprofessional. In addition, sometimes I’m uncomfortable mixing business with pleasure when I’m supposed to be in mom mode.
But I don’t think I’m alone in my concern about blurring the lines between work and home.
A friend of mine — a skilled networker and business development director — recently told me about her struggle to connect with a sought-after business contact, whose son plays soccer with her son. She confessed that she doesn’t broach the subject of business because she doesn’t think the teammate’s father views her as anything other than a soccer mom.
My friend and I are both missing out on valuable contacts because of our inability to network outside our comfort zones.
Men don’t seem to have this problem. I see them networking at barbecues, on the football field, book fairs — wherever an opportunity exists.
This isn’t just a phenomenon restricted to my social circles. The 2010 Global Entrepreneurship Monitor study found that networks of female entrepreneurs and business owners are generally smaller and less diverse than those of their male counterparts, and women tend to draw more on their personal relationships, particularly family, than on other sources.
This type of ineffective networking isn’t the only bad habit that can damage career growth. Studies show that women also fall short when it comes to negotiating.
According to Salary.com, 46 percent of men always negotiate salary after a job offer, compared with just 30 percent of women. Failing to negotiate a first salary can cost women real money — as much a $500,000 by the age of 60, according to the book “Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide.”
I also find that women struggle to define their professional brand — their special sauce. I encounter many qualified female candidates, but they often find it difficult to explain what sets them apart in their specific role or industry. I believe part of the problem is that women fear that by defining their specialties, they will narrow the potential opportunities available to them.
I think women also worry about appearing brash or pushy when describing their unique selling proposition. Men, on the other hand, seem to have fewer issues promoting their selling points — even if it means highlighting just a portion of their skill sets.
So, how can women overcome these challenges and forge more professional success? Here are some strategies to consider:
Be Bold. While this is easy to say, it’s often hard to do. But the simple truth is that changing habits requires taking risks and confronting fears. I need to get over the idea that I can’t network while wearing yoga pants. My friend needs to realize that by approaching a fellow parent about business, she’ll show that she has a career outside motherhood. Unfortunately, I think we hold ourselves back because we fear being labeled too aggressive or even bitchy. We need to toss these perceptions aside, particularly when it comes to negotiating — for failing to act can lead to economic losses.
When it comes to creating a personal brand, being bold is especially important. Women shouldn’t be afraid to extol their accomplishments and contributions. This isn’t bragging; it’s communicating confidence.
Develop a sounding board. Whether it’s a mentor, a network of trusted business contacts or a family member, having sources that we can bounce ideas off of or discuss problems with is crucial. A sounding board can help women determine which networking strategies make sense or help us practice our negotiating skills. They can also provide us with the confidence we need to promote ourselves outside our core group and offer valuable feedback about the skills or characteristics that separate us from the competition.
Step outside your comfort zone. A friend of mine was recently passed over for a promotion and didn’t think she could reach out to management to find out why she didn’t land the job. I told her it was time not only to broach that conversation, but to find out if the company had a career plan for her. This approach went against her instincts, but through the discussion, she discovered that her boss had her in mind for a different position. Embracing the advice we get from others — even if it’s contrary to how we normally operate — can yield value.
It’s also important to expand your circles. Remember, friendships aren’t the only way to network. Men hold more than 85 percent of executive officer positions at Fortune 500 companies (according to Catalyst), so women who only network with female friends are missing out on key opportunities. Branching out can pay dividends.
Finally, women who struggle to create their unique selling proposition should consider tailoring their story for a specific job or project. Promoting our skills outside the context of a specific industry or role widens the opportunities available.
Lauren Sveen is owner and president of , a national talent acquisition firm specializing in connecting high-growth firms with high-caliber talent. She is a sought-after speaker on employment trends, organizational strategy and work/life integration. Contact her at lsveen@momcorps.com.