So Hillary Clinton did not have a government e-mail address during her entire time as secretary of state. Instead, she sent her messages from an account with the domain clintonemail.com. That this is not the most transparent thing that has ever happened is like saying that Captain Ahab was not the world’s biggest fan of whales. It is something of an understatement.
But no one likes to use office e-mail. “Are there bagels in the breakroom?” “Did someone leave a purse in the eighth-floor conference room?” “What is that thing in the end stall in the ladies’ room, and did anybody else see it, or have I, Karen, finally cracked?” It is easy to understand why Clinton would want to opt out.
Still, substituting personal e-mail for your office e-mail can cause more problems than it creates. Just look at this glimpse of Clinton’s combined inbox:
Subject: I Need You
Sender: Barack Obama
[Fundraising Spam]
Subject: I need you
Sender: Barack Obama
Hey actually though, we should have a beer summit one of these days. Got some things to talk over with you.
[Deleted by mistake]
Subject: I Need You
Sender: Saxman92@clintonemail. com
Did you see that Obama e-mail, hon? Crazy. On a related note, there’s a big spider in the bathroom. I’m sort of torn over what to do about it: On the one hand, it’s in the shower and seems to be getting pretty territorial. Then again, on the other hand, it seems to have a certain spunk to it, and it’s just exactly that size where killing it would be kind of involved. Would love to get your thoughts on this when you get the chance.
Subject: Re: I Need You
Sender: [Hillary Clinton]
Just kill it, Bill.
Subject: Biden forwards
Sender: [Redacted@state.gov]
Madam Secretary, here is, as requested, your daily rundown of the e-mails Joe Biden sent to the address ClintonHR@state.gov:
• Subject “URGENT!!!!!” Contents appear to be video of screaming goats.
• Subject “BRUNCH????” Joe Biden wants to get brunch and includes a Doodle poll of times when he is free.
• Subject “AW MAN CHECK OUT THESE SWEET GIFS” Series of GIFs Joe Biden liked.
• Subject “HILLS YOU OKAY IN THERE?” Picture of banana with googly eyes.
Do you want me to forward any of these along?
Subject: Re: Biden forwards
Sender: [Hillary Clinton]
No.
Subject: Respectfully, Madam Secretary
Sender: IT@state.gov
I could not help noticing that you appear to be conducting State business from your personal e-mail. Are you serious? Does it at least use a two-step verification process?
Subject: R3s3t Y0uR R3l4ti0n5h1p!
Sender: VladdyP@gmail.ru
I saw we were both using our personal e-mails to conduct business. Sup.
Subject: Super respectfully
Sender: IT@state.gov
Still haven’t heard back! Just checking in! I don’t mean to bother you I just feel very strongly that this is important.
[Marked as spam]
And that doesn’t include any e-mails about Benghazi at all!
Look, there are principled transparency and security objections. But what I worry about is inbox confusion. Think of all the urgent requests from the Dalai Lama that have gotten swamped among offers to “Make Extra $$$$$ Working From Home!” Or the Angela Merkel e-mails mistaken for Uber receipts. Frankly, literally every diplomatic e-mail subject line that I can think of sounds like spam: “Keep The ‘Special Relationship’ Special” (Britain), “Time to push the reset button” (Russia), “Want to visit Cuba?” (Cuba).
Not to mention that, coming from a personal account, your e-mails to foreign dignitaries wind up sorted as spam, because foreign leaders probably assume that anything official would come from a address. It could be that the solution to the entire Israel-Palestine conflict is currently sitting deep inside one of Benjamin Netanyahu’s filters as we speak.
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