Hooch: OK, Mr. Baseball (which, coincidentally, is my favorite Tom Selleck vehicle … besides Magnum P.I.’s Ferrari), let’s see how you fare in this week’s installment of the Sunday debate. Last season, Rockies rival Clayton Kershaw won the National League Cy Young and the MVP awards (as well as a Tony for best supporting actor in a musical). Who do you think will win the hardware this year, Grokestradamus?
Groke: By hardware, you mean this year’s Tony? Reed Birney got robbed in “Casa Valentina.” He will come back strong on stage, though. What’s that? Oh, you mean Cy Young. ESPN runs a Cy Young predictor (don’t look it up). Atop its predictor list after his first game? Kyle “Ace” Kendrick! Miami’s Jose Fernandez will be the NL’s best pitcher in the second half of the season. But Kershaw has won three of the past four Cys. He will win another.
Hooch: Talking about Cy Young, shoot, Cy Young himself might not have cracked the Washington Nationals’ 2015 rotation. That reminds me of a story about Ty Cobb. They asked him in, like, 1960 how he’d fare in that era. He said, “I’d hit around .290.” And they were confused because he hit .366 for his career, and many thought pitching had been diluted by expansion. “Yeah,” Cobb responded, “but I’m 73 years old.” Anyway, the 2015 Cy Young winner? Take a bow, Washington’s Max Scherzer, who won it two years ago in the American League and came in fifth last year, also in the American League. MVP?
Groke: Tell all the Hooches down in Hooville they’re about to see a monster season from a monster man — Miami’s Cruz Stanton. (He broke into the bigs as Mike, then changed his playing name to Giancarlo. But his mom calls him Cruz, and moms are always right.) Stanton might hit 40 home runs. He will need to. Because the NL MVP race is going to be a thrill. Stanton and Troy Tulowitzki are about to battle like Joe DiMaggio and Ted Williams in 1941 or Harmon Killebrew and Boog Powell in 1969. Like those old-timey references? I will take Stanton because the Marlins will shock everyone and surge into the postseason.
Hooch: I’m going with New York Mets shortstop Troy Tulowitzki. Tulo will stay healthy with the Rockies and flirt with the Triple Crown … and, thus, his trade value will never be higher, so the Rockies will ship him to Queens for a bunch of young talent, including one of those marquee arms from the Mets’ farm system. He will be traded in late July, and when the Mets come to Coors Field for an Aug. 21-23 series, fans will do the clap-and-Tu-lo chant in his honor during his first at-bat, prompting him to step out and wipe a tear from his cheek.
Groke: And then Rockies owner Dick Monfort will sell his share of the team to Mark Kiszla, and Kiz will install an awesome luge hill from the Rock Pile into center field. Yeah, right, Benihana. If Tulo is playing well, the Rockies win. And if the Rockies win, they don’t go a-trading. The other race worth watching: Tulo vs. Carlos Gonzalez. Who will be the Rockies’ MVP? I know this: It won’t be that spot-infected dino-monster with the “Exorcist” spinning head.
