Dear Amy: I’ve worked for nearly 18 months for an organization I love. I’ve known the head of the organization for more than 10 years. Although I report to someone about four levels down from him, it is still a pretty easy-going, non-hierarchical place, and he is exceedingly approachable at all times.
Many folks within the organization have told me it’s a hard-partying group and, a few nights ago, I found out for myself.
I had way more to drink than I planned and found myself in a conversation with the head of the organization, during which, I think, I was an ass. I wasn’t sexually inappropriate or anything, but I made fun of the way he presented his speech earlier in the evening. Most of the conversation is a blur, so I don’t know what else I may have said. I don’t think he acted offended and my sense was we had a good time, but still — really?
The next day, I told a colleague, who was there and also hammered, and she said, “Wow, why would you say that?” Well, because I was drunk! She reassured me that he probably didn’t care and said we were all having fun.
I wrote him a short but strongly worded apology e-mail. I said I was a royal idiot and that I talk too much when I drink. I said I was offensive and that I am mortified.
He immediately wrote back and enumerated each of the things I had said by saying I was none of those things and that he had enjoyed talking with me. He thanked me for my work for the organization.
But I still feel like I made missteps at every point of the way.
Of course, getting drunk in a work setting, regardless of the culture, is not a good idea. But once it happened, should I have just kept it to myself, or was the apology a good idea? I fear now that the apology may have made me come across as insecure. — Still Cringing
Dear Cringing: When I first started working in newsrooms, it was the tail end of a crazy, boozy era, where alcohol flowed freely after work and at company-sponsored events. This behavior then screeched to a halt, riding (I presume) on a wave of sexual harassment lawsuits. But it seems that the cocktail culture has again infiltrated the workplace — especially at younger companies. In fact, I know a millennial working in a technical field who was asked to name her favorite cocktail — at her job interview. In my opinion, there is just no right answer to that question.
Your story perfectly illustrates the hazards of drinking among colleagues, especially if you get a little loud, obnoxious and karaoke-crazy when you’ve had too much.
You did the right thing; your boss responded perfectly. Keep in mind that another colleague might not react so well to your behavior — and that there are many profound personal and professional hazards to being drunk with co-workers.
Dear Amy: A mechanic told my daughter that he would fix her car for free if she slept with him. This saddened me, and I shared this with my husband. My husband continues to take his business to this man, and it annoys me. I would prefer our money go to someone who respects women. Am I wrong? — Upset
Dear Upset: It would be nice if you were married to someone who respects women, too. Solicitation and bartering for sex might be illegal (depending on your daughter’s age and the context); it is definitely unethical, rude and wrong.
Good mechanics are hard to find, but your husband should not put a price on a family member’s dignity or reward this jerk by ignoring his behavior. I can’t imagine why he would want to continue to patronize this business.
Dear Amy: “Uncertain” was trying to weigh her options — professional opportunities and an urban lifestyle, or life with a guy who didn’t want any of these things.
Robert Townsend, author of “Up the Organization,” said it best: “Good jobs are scarce, and men are a dime a dozen.” — Faithful Reader
Dear Reader: Townsend’s wisdom is not really true, but sometimes it feels true.
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