K, class, let’s get all the nose gags out of the way. On the nose, winner by a nose, the nose knows. Save it. Ben Kling’s heard ’em.
Kling is in town during the National Western Stock Show and Rodeo, opening today, to take nose prints of cattle.
Hey, settle down and listen so you don’t act like a complete city doofus when you get to the show.
Kling’s company, Animal Identification Systems, based in Gillette, Wyo., has developed a system of nose prints to help identify cattle and sheep. See, cows don’t have hands so they don’t have finger prints and, oh, never mind.
Kling does this because, believe it or not, there is cheating in the world of junior livestock competitions. Boy, howdy.
“A good example is state fairs,” says the former law-enforcement officer. “There’s a tremendous amount of money there, sometimes $50,000, $60,000. The impetus to cheat is there. Unfortunately, it usually isn’t the youth, it’s the parent.”
To combat switching of animals, Kling makes prints from cow noses. Not kidding. “Each has a characteristic design, a pattern that allows you to classify it as well as assign a character to that breed,” says Kling, who began making prints at the stock show in 1984. “I use a printing ink, and I ink the nose with a roller. Then I use a card to make an impression. I want to get the specific characteristics from the center of the nostrils, called the “center-core pore.’ They’re all different.”
Unlike brands, ear tags or implants, prints cannot be altered. But sometimes, Kling says, it’s an honest mistake. “You have to be very straightforward. I sit down first of all and say, “This is what we have.’ It might be the wrong cow, or the card print might be mixed up.”
But sometimes, says Kling, it’s fraud. “It’s as plain as the nose on their face.”
PIES AND COOKIES
The stock show brings out its share of cow pies, but Tuda Libby Crews hopes rodeo fans are into cookies.
Crews, who lives in Cheyenne, has penned a cookbook, “Wild Wild West Cowboy Cookies,” in which she offers readers a couple of basic cookie doughs and tips on using icing and cutters to create little Western creatures like buffalo, cactus and cowboy boots. Yahoo!
Crews signs copies of “Wild, Wild West” from 1 to 4 p.m. today at Cry Baby Ranch in Larimer Square. The book is available in area bookstores.
NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY
KBPI-FM got busted by the Pittsburgh Post Gazette, which Friday turned down the radio station’s ad as “too aggressive.”
Yes, aggressive in the sense that the ad was another of those fold-ins, which reveal the f-word, this time applied to the Pittsburgh Steelers rather than a competing station. Ooooooh …
“Somebody ratted on us,” says the station’s Rick Kerns, who is off to Pittsburgh today with his morning partner, Kerry Gray.
If you just have to see the original ad, call 892-4738 and they’ll send you a copy. The Pittsburgh paper is using a less-offensive version.
AROUND DENVER
Everybody’s got Broncos fever. Spotted at 14th and Broadway: a shopping cart pushed by a raggedy-looking fellow holding a sign that read, “Little Help/Homeless/Go Broncos.” … Want to watch the Broncos’ really, really big game on a really, really big TV? Drop by Walker’s Sports Grille on Sunday. Radio station KKFN-AM (“”The Fan”) broadcasting and hosting post-game party from the LoDo bar. … Duh!: A free history book to the woman who called Kelly and Alpha on KXKL-FM (“”KOOL”) to say Pittsburgh should be forced to give us the Liberty Bell after the Broncos win on Sunday. … Think it’s cold? Channel 9 weatherguesser Nick Carter notes Friday was the anniversary of the coldest day in Denver history. It was minus 27 in 1875. … For the many who were asking, the Darwin Awards, dedicated to draining the human gene pool, are all over the Internet, but officialdarwinawards.com offers the quickest access. This year’s award winner is a fellow who was cut short — and not in midsentence.
QUOTABLE
“There is no such thing as stock-show weather.” — Bill Saul
