Q: Dear Scott,
I love your column, read it all the time…and I figured I’d give it a shot
to see what your perspective was on my question!
I’m 28, a single parent, college graduate, professional in the
non-profit/human services industry, home owner, I even recently opened my
own business…I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at in life.
I’ve lived in
basically the same neighborhood my entire life, and I’m blessed with an
unbelievably large family and group of friends that have been around
forever.
I’ve got tons to be thankful for, and trust me, I am!
The problem is, I’m ALWAYS the “single girl”. The longest actual
relationship I’ve ever had was six months. I feel like I’ve tried everything!
I’ve met people at the bars, at the grocery store, through friends, online,
I’ve even tried the speed dating stuff!
I meet nice people, but it never
seems to work out. I’ve met guys with some serious ‘issues’, and I try to
look past them to find some compatibility and companionship and it just
doesn’t work.
I don’t really have a “type”…I try to stay as open minded as possible,
because ya never know who’s gonna be “the one”. I don’t care how much money
they make, just be a responsible person. I don’t care whether or not
they’ve had a formal higher education, just be able to hold an intelligent
conversation.
I don’t care that they’re drop-dead gorgeous, I just want
that fun physical chemistry to be there! I try not to lower my standards
too much, or to be too picky. But I’ve had no luck!
I always say I have the “quantity and not the quality”. I have men calling,
but they’re not men that I’m interested in. I’m almost 30, and the majority
of my friends are either married or in long-term relationships. My son is
getting older, and if I want to ever settle down and have more kids I’d like
to do it some time relatively soon.
I know I’m lucky to have a lot of great
people around me all the time, to have a great job and all that other good
stuff…but it would be REALLY nice to have a significant other to share all
that with and to come home to every night.
Any suggestions on where/how to find this person, or if it’s even possible?!
I try to remain positive, patient and optimistic…but it’s getting tougher
as the years go by. Help!
Thanks!!
Frustrated and lonely in Denver
Congratulations on all of your success in life! Now there’s just that one
last thing: a relationship. Just so you know you’re not alone. Lots of
people find that the hardest area to find success. Why? Got me. If I knew
the answer to that, I’d be a bazillionaire. Here’s what I do know: you don’t
need to think of every guy as a potential life partner. Many times,
relationships – even with a mate you would never dream of being with –
happen unexpectedly. Sometimes, they just fall into place. Take it from me –
those are the best ones.
I’m not saying you should date subhuman guys who aren’t on your level but it
might be easier to expand your horizons and date more if you don’t hold
these poor blokes to how you’d want them to be as a long-term mate. Why not
enjoy them in the present? Hang out with the witty ones that make you laugh
and refrain from surrendering to the pressure to settle down. You’re 28 and
for you, this is not something you are going to be able to have as much
control of as other areas of your life.
It’ll happen when it happens and it’ll happen naturally. Just have fun, be
friends first and even you – the person who has it so together – might be
surprised what may develop.