Q: Hi Scott,
I’ve recently found myself in a difficult situation with a former best friend of mine, and desperately need some good advice! I know that it’s often difficult to have a completely platonic friendship between a girl and a guy, but I was actually able to have a fantastic friendship with a guy in college that lasted over four years.
We were each other’s ultimate confidantes. We divulged our deepest hopes and secrets about ourselves, as we had the utmost trust and confidence in our friendship. We talked a lot about our significant others and were supportive of the relationships we each had.
A few years ago, I moved from Colorado across the county, and he came out to visit me a few months later. It was during that vacation that he confessed he had very real feelings for me and made a move.
At first I kinda laughed off his advances stating it would be crazy because he’s been my best friend for so long. A little while after that, I decided “what the hell,” and went in for a kiss!
We ended up making out a little bit and it was a somewhat awkward, but I think that’s to be expected.
The next day everything was normal between us and I dropped him off at the airport. In such a weird turn of events, that was the last time I spoke to him.
I tried e-mailing him, but he blocked my address. I tried calling him but he never picked up or returned my calls.
I was incredibly hurt and confused by his actions, but as the saying goes, time heals all wounds.
It’s now been a little over two years. I ended up moving back to Colorado and found a great small apartment complex (16 units in all) close to downtown. I quickly realized what a small world it is, because as I was signing my lease, I found out he just moved in there as well!
We saw each other face to face for the first time in years, and after a long awkward silence, my first reaction was to give him a hug. He did not reciprocate at all and quickly left the room.
After I thought I had left all the pain in the past, there it was again – literally at my doorstep!
Because it’s such a small place, we run into each other all the time. After a week or so, during one of our run-ins, I confronted him about what happened to us and our friendship.
His only response was that he didn’t want to talk about it, which was the end of the conversation. This is incredibly upsetting to me, especially because every time I see him I feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach.
I feel I need resolution and desperately want to work though whatever issues he has with me, as this is not providing a good
living situation for me.
It is so difficult pretending to be strangers when we are anything but, and our mutual acquaintances in the building are picking up on that, but I don’t want to get them involved in our mess.
Basically, I’m wondering what to do now — write a letter apologizing for whatever I did, try to talk to him again, or just suck it up for the next nine months until my lease is over.
Any insights from a guy’s point of view on what could have gone so terribly wrong would also be appreciated!
Thanks Scott!
SCOTT: I’m still scratching my head. What happened with this guy? Your guess is as good (or better actually) than mine.
If I knew that answer, I’d be “Amazing Scott!” Or “Incredible Scott!” instead of just plain old Great Scott, but that’s OK, I can still help.
Here’s a recap: you tried e-mail and he blocked your address. You called and got no response. Then you confront him years later only to be rejected yet again; all from a supposed “best friend.”
With friends like that, well, you know the rest.
You did everything you could to find answers, and I agree that he owed you more but for some reason, he decided to dismiss you. Now you must to do the same.
Seriously, don’t waste any more energy on this. Write him off as a bad judge of character, move when your lease is up and avoid him like the bird flu in the interim.
Sometimes we have to bring our own closure through self-love when closure from relationships is not possible.