Dear Amy: Eight months ago, I joined an online poker site to unwind. I met a lady there. It began innocently: We would meet at the tables and flirt.
She’s a little older than me, with two kids – one in college. For a few months, I thought she was either divorced or widowed, because we got more intimate on the chat. We would make plans to meet and run off to Vegas. Then she let me know she is still happily married. She said she was sorry, but she hadn’t felt like this for some time. I made her feel like she was in high school again.
I haven’t felt like this in a long time either. I really love her, though we have never met. We stepped back, and she was going to work on things with her hubby. We also decided to try to stay friends, a little poker now and then, and flirting with other people on the site. But things have heated up again.
Neither of us wants to lose the other, but we know this can’t go on as is.
– Poker Face
Dear Poker Face: Poker is a game that rewards craftiness, feints and deceit. But love needs honesty and integrity to grow.
Your love object might not be a married woman. She might be a middle-age long-haul trucker named Manny who enjoys messing with you. Internet “relationships” are so enticing because we can invent our own identities and hide our weaknesses and insecurities. You don’t love each other. This entire relationship is an invention.
If you can only develop relationships in the virtual world, you have a problem larger than poker flirting. The Web can be highly addictive, and the consequences of Internet addictions are similar to others – a withdrawal from family, friends and business associates. This addiction is hard to break without help, and I hope you will do something about it.
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Dear Amy: My wife and her family and friends think it is totally acceptable to drink in front of young children. We live in a very social neighborhood, and the neighbors agree with my wife! We are in our early 40s, with a 4-year-old son, who I don’t think should be exposed to this.
It is never just a drink or two. On one or two occasions, I’ve brought our son home from the neighbors when the drinking starts. I was brought up with a greater respect for drinking and think that children learn by what they see and hear. Another concern is that my father-in-law was an alcoholic.
– Jerry
Dear Jerry: I think it is completely fine to drink alcohol in front of young children. I’m talking about a glass of wine at dinner or some of Aunt Millie’s eggnog at the holiday party.
What isn’t fine is getting blotto in front of the kids. If your wife is getting drunk in front of your son, it is time to confront that she may have a drinking problem. If she doesn’t get a handle on her drinking now, it could get worse.
If you and she can’t come to terms about this, check out Al-Anon (al-anon.alateen.org). You can share strategies, concerns and find comfort from meeting with other people connected to problem drinkers.
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Dear Amy: I read a recent letter from “Low Voiced,” the woman who complained that people on the phone mistake her low-pitched voice for a man’s.
I have the opposite problem: I’m a man in my upper-60s whose singing voice is in the tenor range, and people on the phone think I am a female.
Your response, that the writer needs to be more tolerant, was correct but incomplete. I agree she needs to learn to just correct the caller, who will probably be embarrassed. But I also think callers who don’t know the person they are calling should be cautious in making assumptions about his or her voice.
– High Voiced
Dear High: Readers have pointed out another option – to answer the phone using your name – though I think that raises some security concerns.
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