Q: My sister and I are five years apart in age and have never been close.
She was seven months pregnant when she graduated high school and left home to get married. I was in 7th grade at the time so her and I never had the chance to grow up together to really become sisters.
Our mother passed away 12 years ago, and she kind of took over the “mother” role. My husband’s job moved us to Denver almost two years ago, and things have only gotten worse.
When I came out to find a house and found one I sent pictures to everyone with a long message telling them about the house, and obviously I was very excited. Her reply to my message was, “I thought you didn’t want another 2-story house.”
Not a single word about the house. Needless to say, I felt like she burst my bubble.
The weekend before we left, we had a going-away dinner for family and friends. She informed us that evening that if we came back for a visit we could not stay with them because they “do not make good hosts” and that if they ever visited us they would stay in a hotel because they “do not make good guests.”
I am not sure what to make of all this.
We have gone back for a visit and she always is very cold towards me and doesn’t really talk. The few times I’ve tried to call her she always says she is on her way out the door, busy, etc. and will call me back but never does.
I’ve tried calling her recently just to try and start a conversation, but I feel it is very one-sided.
We will be going back for Christmas and I’ve gotten her name for the gift exchange. I’m thinking of getting a sisters’ picture frame, taking a picture while we are there and sending it to her for the frame. I’m hoping this will be a gesture of goodwill and that maybe she will open up a little bit.
If this doesn’t work I think I’m giving up. What is your input on this??
Thanks,
– Wants to be a sister, but don’t know how
SCOTT: How come your sister doesn’t have a moment to spare for you? It’s like she’s always avoiding you.
Is she that distant with everyone, or just you? If it’s just you, there’s obviously a problem, but if she’s just a cold fish by nature, let me tell you, she ain’t a-changin’!
I love your picture idea, actually. It’s yet another way to show that you’re reaching out in an attempt to have a relationship with her.
But don’t be surprised if all you get is a mere “thanks” for your heartfelt gesture.
Relationships with family members can be challenging to say the least, mostly because everyone’s so different. Mix a bunch of blood-related folks with their individual personalities and different opinions and, well, you’ve got a family!
The most important thing, though, is for these relationships to be manageable, so don’t give up on your sister. In fact, when you give her the picture, include a letter explaining your wish for a closer relationship and see if that doesn’t open some doors for you.
Maybe it will, maybe it won’t, but at least you’ll know you tried.
In the end, you may have to take what you can get from her but at least you know what to expect.
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– Scott