Dear Amy: We have only two teenage grandkids, and their behavior toward us recently has been very upsetting.
My daughter (their mother) has been divorced for four years and has a business to run, teens to raise and she tries to date. Their dad does a great job in sharing the parental responsibilities, but he is married with a new baby. He lives nearby. We are their only grandparents.
Before they were teens, we had a closer relationship with them. We live four hours away and visit with them about six to seven times a year. We feel totally neglected by them.
My grandson recently went to college, so we rarely see or hear from him. He requested that we send mail, which we do, always with money enclosed.
Our granddaughter is uncaring and snippy, and she never communicates with us, even after we’ve e-mailed or written.
We have always been the
ideal grandparents and have jumped at their requests.
Their lack of contact saddens us greatly. We feel like empty-nesters again and even more neglected, as we get older.
We are quite active, healthy and successfully retired, but we need the love and warmth of a family, of which we have little. How do we make them understand that they need to have a little consideration for us?
– Paula
Dear Paula: Let me describe how it feels to be a kid and go through a “devastating” divorce. It feels alienating and disorienting. It feels like your family members aren’t taking your feelings into consideration and that your loyalties are forever divided because now both of your parents need you separately, even as they move on and date or remarry, and have more children. It feels like your emotional duties have doubled, while your “nest” has emptied.
Sound familiar? Of course your grandchildren should be decent to you. They shouldn’t be snippy and uncaring, and they should thank you when you send money. But you are the grown-ups. Unfortunately, you are going to need to be steady, patient, good-natured and tolerant – at least for now.
I’m not talking about “jumping at any requests” they make. But you are going to have to shelve some of your own needs. I realize this doesn’t seem fair, but these kids are going through a tough time and you are going to have to go through it WITH them.
I hope that you can take some of your wonderful loving energy and perhaps volunteer as a mentor or tutor to younger children in your community. Don’t give up on your own grandchildren, but if you have relationships with other kids, it might make you feel less alone.
…
Dear Amy: A pre-Christmas column really hit home for me.
You suggested ways for readers to reach out to wounded soldiers, including soldiers at Brooke Army Medical Center.
We just lost our nephew from injuries suffered in Iraq. He made it from Iraq to Germany and then to Brooke (BAM C) in Texas. He fought for 13 days, as did all of the nurses and doctors. They were wonderful and never gave up the fight until we all knew that it was not to be.
Our family cannot say enough good things about these people. When families end up there, you become one big family.
Thank you for making people aware of BAM C.
– A Grateful Aunt
Dear Aunt: The address for wounded service members is: Brooke Army Medical Center C/O Maj. Cradier, 3851 Roger Brooke Drive, Fort Sam Houston, Texas 78234-6200, courtesy of reader Louis Richards, proud father of a wounded Marine. Readers interested in contacting wounded Marines may send notes of support to “Any Service Member” addressed to: American Red Cross Office National Naval Medical Center 8901 Wisconsin Ave., Bethesda, Md. 20889.
Let’s keep this effort going through the new year.
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