Inside, people pace the floor with their necks cranked back like the hinges of a trash-can lid. The walkers squint and blink, as if just let outside after months of solitary confinement. Blindly, they bump into one another, murmur “excuse me,” and keep walking, chins vertical. The setting resembles a hospital ward that treats those suffering from neck problems, visual disorders and criminal insanity.
In fact, it’s a lighting showroom. This particular showroom, Foothills Lighting in Denver, is a stadium-sized space with more lights per square foot than a Broadway marquee. After people leave – and some have been known to pace these floors for days – many do in fact check into hospital wards. Lighting showrooms are also why our prisons are so overcrowded. Picking light fixtures rocks the sanity of even the most stable.
All told, I’ve been here two days, seven hours. My goal is to pick lighting fixtures for our basement. My list: two chandeliers, six sconces, two bath lights, and fixtures for a guest room, office and pool table.
My first visit I intended as a search mission. I would find fixtures I liked, and bring home ideas. After four hours, I came home with an armful of lighting catalogs, a stiff neck and a facial tic. I spent one night tagging catalog pages with Post-it note strips. I’d write on each strip something like: pool table light A if we use hall sconce F, and guest room fixture P. I quickly learned that finding a fixture you like isn’t the hard part. Finding a fixture you like that works with all the other fixtures you like is.
“Why don’t we just stick with canned lights,” said Dan, my practical husband, when he saw the Post-it project had morphed into a small sculpture.
“Because a central fixture can act like the fulcrum of gravity in a room, pulling it all together as if by centrifugal force,” I said, parroting some catalog copy I’d just read.
“Huh?” He looked at me as if my body had been invaded by aliens.
“And, because the electrician left big, gaping holes in our ceilings and walls where we told him we wanted fixtures in addition to cans.”
“We?”
I turn back to the Post-it pile.
A week later, I return to the showroom. My catalogs are so filled with Post-its they looked like millipede mutations. This time I have an appointment. Bryan Morton, a senior lighting specialist for Foothills, drew the short straw and became my lighting consultant. He either had the patience of Gandhi or was heavily medicated, because he hung with me for hours.
We survey the showroom, scour catalogs and compare prices. If we did A with C and F, then we could do Q in the hall and that would cost Y. But if we did B with D and R, etc. I left with only half the Post-its in my catalogs, and my eyes locked in the crossed position. When Dan heard the lights would take four to six weeks to come in, he worried they would delay the project (gasp!). I didn’t point up that the three-month project was well into Month 18 because just then he handed me his credit card and said, “You have 24 hours.”
I call Bryan. “I have my husband’s credit card in hand,” I say, “and that’s an offer neither of us should refuse.”
“But have you decided?” he asks.
“Watch me.”
To make the process of choosing light fixtures easier, Bryan offers the following tips:
Start looking two to three months before you need fixtures. “People think picking a light fixture is something they can do the day before the electrician arrives. They don’t consider delivery time, and how much there is to choose from.”
Bring your floor plan, including where fixtures will go, ceiling heights, distances between sconce sockets and ceilings, hall widths and table sizes.
Use your salesperson. Even if you’re sure you want a certain fixture, don’t order until you run it by the expert. He might point out a critical flaw, such as the fixture is too big for your space, or it can’t support the wattage you want. Once you order, it’s yours.
If the salesperson wants to sell you lighting from within just one family of fixtures, find a new salesperson. You want someone who will take the time to explore custom – not canned – combinations.
Make sure fixtures in adjoining spaces flow. That doesn’t mean all light fixtures have to be from the same group, but they should be consistent in finish and glass, and have compatible lines.
Once the order is in, and irrevocable, I ask Bryan if most people had trouble choosing. “Half my customers know just what they want,” he says. “The other half are either like you, pretty overwhelmed, or they say, ‘Whatever.”‘ Point Whatever is just past Point Overwhelm; it’s the point you hit during a remodel when your choice center is so fried, you stop caring. I’m headed there next.
Marni Jameson is a nationally syndicated columnist who lives in the Denver area. She may be contacted through marnijameson.com.
