Dear Amy: My wife of almost 10 years passed away a couple of years ago, and I’m not sure what to do with her engagement ring and wedding band.
I thought about saving them for my 7-year-old daughter and maybe give them to her future husband to give to her, but there are a lot of uncertainties with this thought.
I also thought about having them remolded into other types of jewelry for my little girl when she’s older, but I don’t know if that’s appropriate. What should I do?
– In a Quandary
Dear Quandary: I hope that you choose to pass these heirlooms on to your daughter when she is older. I like the idea of resetting the stone and presenting your daughter with a new ring, perhaps when she turns 16 or 18. That way she won’t have to wait until she is engaged to wear these lovely reminders of your late wife.
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Dear Amy: I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about 2 1/2 years. She is the most wonderful, beautiful woman in the world. We have had a wonderful relationship, including mind-bending sex, and we profess our love to each other all of the time. Recently, she told me that she loves me but doesn’t want to have sex with me anymore. Is she breaking up with me? She says she’s not. Am I an idiot?
– Tim
Dear Tim: She is breaking up with you. You aren’t an idiot; you’re just a guy who hopes that you still have the relationship that you used to have.
But when one person in a relationship decides to back off from intimacy – sexual or otherwise – this is a sure sign that you don’t have the relationship that you used to have.
Clearly, your girlfriend holds all of the knowledge (hence the power) in your relationship. You need to find out what is behind her pronouncement. Once you learn what’s really going on, you can make a decision about what to do next.
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Dear Amy: My husband and I have been invited to a 40th wedding anniversary party for some good friends of ours.
The invitation said no gifts. Should I still give them a gift? They live in a small town, have a small home and don’t really need anything. I would like to give them something. Do you have any suggestions? What is the proper etiquette?
– Kathy
Dear Kathy: This isn’t an etiquette question so much as a question of you being able to respectfully follow directions. “No gifts” means no gifts.
It would be thoughtful and meaningful if you wrote your friends a letter enclosed in a nice card, congratulating them on their anniversary and sharing an anecdote from their marriage that is meaningful to you. If you can scare up an old snapshot of the two of them together, it would be nice to reproduce it and enclose it as well.
Otherwise, treat them to dinner at another time if you would like, but respect their wishes on this day.
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