Q: Dear Scott – I am having tremendous trouble with my ex-husband and the father of my two children, ages 11 and 13. I have been in an ongoing custody fight with him for the last five years. My kids want to live with me and have told the courts of their wishes, but no such luck.
Their father seems to do all this in spite of what the kids want. I just can’t make him see that he is pushing his children away from him. His new wife is extremely jealous and does not allow him to speak with me at all. It has gotten so bad that the courts have set up an e-mail account so that we can relay any messages about the children without having to actually speak to one another.
I don’t want my kids to grow up not wanting to be around their father but they are getting to the age where no matter what excuse I make up for their father’s behavior and reasoning, they know exactly what’s going on. The courts don’t seem to want to listen to my kids and I have come to my wit’s end with this whole situation. Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
SCOTT: What a shame your ex doesn’t realize that fighting you and spreading negativity isn’t going to get him anywhere with his children. That goes for both of you, really. Good parenting requires a supportive team but when one player doesn’t play fair, who suffers most? The kids.
Unfortunately, your ex isn’t changing his ways, neither is his wife and neither are you. I wish I had better news for you but at this point, be the best mom you can be and utilize the email account; it’s probably the best way for you two to communicate.
Also, don’t let him know how much he gets to you. He already knows how to push your buttons and might very well enjoy it. Don’t make excuses for him any more, either. You can’t change his behavior, so what’s the point? Kids are more perceptive than you think and they can see through everything.