Dear Amy: A family dispute has erupted, and I’m not sure how to fix it for the holidays. My little sister and my older sister had a blowout in June and have not spoken since. My mother was dragged into this, which caused the older sister to scream at my mother.
The little sister, whose boyfriend is an ex-con with two children, lost her job and moved back home for a while. She treated the house, and my mother, disrespectfully during that time.
Therefore, I opted to have Thanksgiving at my house. However, the little sister won’t come if the older one is here and vice versa. My father is angry with both of them over how they treated my mother, and he won’t come if either of my sisters comes. I don’t think either sister is aware of how angry our parents are.
My question is this: How do I phrase the invite to my sisters? Do I tell them to make peace or not come? This will alienate the older sister even more, and we miss her kids.
– Middle Sister
Dear Sister: It’s unrealistic to believe that this serious, many-layered situation can be ironed out by a set date. If you are determined and brave enough to host Thanksgiving dinner, you should invite everyone, tell everyone that you’ve invited everyone and urge all parties to make their peace before the day.
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Dear Amy: My teenage daughter recently smoked pot and had a terrible reaction to the drug; she hallucinated and had a rapid heartbeat. Paramedics were called, and she spent 12 hours in the emergency room. Thank goodness, she is OK.
I’m not sure what the proper punishment should be. I truly believe that she will not try this again. She is, obviously, grounded. For how long depends on her behavior at home and in school. But what should we do about a special event such as the prom?
– Concerned Mom
Dear Concerned: Teens make stupid mistakes that unfortunately also can be harmful, dangerous or worse. Unfortunately, one way they learn how to make good choices is to make an occasional poor one.
I don’t like the idea of a prolonged scorched earth grounding. If you take away huge, special and longed-for events such as the prom now, then what incentive does your daughter have to earn and keep your trust? If she isn’t allowed to do anything, then she won’t have the opportunity to prove to you that she is capable of making good choices.
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