Dear Amy: A close friend is having a birthday. Last night she phoned and told me that because her boyfriend was working the evening of her birthday, it was my “responsibility” to take her out for her birthday.
As her friend, I was planning on celebrating her birthday in some manner, either the weekend before or the weekend after her birthday.
She insists on going out on her birthday – which is a Tuesday night. I have a very busy job and commute 1 1/2 hours to work every morning, and Tuesday nights are tough for me.
Additionally, she expects me to take her to her favorite restaurant, which will cost at least $100 for the both of us! Is her demand a little self-centered, or should I just be a good friend, suck it up and take her out?
– Birthday Bashed
Dear Bashed: Because every detail in your letter leads me down this particular birthday path, I have no choice but to conclude that your friend is demanding and self-centered.
There. Feel better? I didn’t think so.
You need to decide what you are going to do about this. I suggest that you give your friend a call, commiserate about her boyfriend’s work schedule, and tell her, plainly and simply, what you have in mind in terms of her celebration – on whatever day and in whatever way that works best for both of you.
One of the tougher lessons of adulthood is the realization that the world continues to turn on its axis on our birthdays. It is up to each of us, individually, to try to have the day we want to have as a way to mark this occasion.
I’ve got to hand it to your friend – she is trying desperately to have the kind of birthday she wants to have, but unfortunately it looks as if it’s not going to work out for her this year.
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