When a Colorado Avalanche player confessed to the media that he’d apologized for his behavior toward another player by sending a repentant text message through a mutual friend, he epitomized two things that marked Colorado and the nation in 2006: advancing technology and epidemic contrition.
Often, as with the player’s “sorry 2 U” message, there was overlap between the two. The best example was the Denver voting debacle (and subsequent profuse apologizing), where new technology allowed people to stand in line for longer than you have to wait for a new kidney.
Earlier in the year, we witnessed the spectacle of state Rep. Jim Welker apologizing for circulating a “racially charged” e-mail saying Katrina victims were immoral. “Some of my good friends are different colors,” he claimed, but if they were truly good friends, they would have helped him prevent further keyboard-enabled embarrassments by making him wear mittens.
Welker was just one “mea” in the “mea culpas” coming out of the legislature in 2006. Deanna Hanna had to apologize for what appeared to be a shakedown of real estate agents, and Joe Stengel said he used “bad judgment” in billing the state an amount so great you’d have thought being a lawmaker really was a full-time job.
We should take some measure of civic pride that Colorado-bred apologies compared favorably to the apologies erupting from other states. I feared that Mel Gibson’s drunken jeremiad about Jews and Michael Richards’ spew about n-persons might again give California bragging rights. However, Ted Haggard’s apologies for his hypocrisy boosted Colorado’s stock, and the news that his “restoration team” sees him as a five-year project assures us that our state will remain among the nation’s sorriest.
We don’t have to apologize for our apologies to anyone. Consider our chronicle of contrition: For every Texan like Harry Whittington, who apologized to Vice President Cheney after Cheney shot him in the face, Colorado has someone like Rick O’Donnell, who apologized for his youthful zeal in wanting to do away with Social Security. For every airline that apologized for kicking a breast-feeding woman off a flight, we have a homeowners association that apologized for telling residents they couldn’t display a peace-symbol-shaped wreath.
The year had its other winners and losers, too. After assessing all of the important events of the year, we can conclude that among the biggest losers were the uninsured, spinach-eaters, gasoline-buyers, immigrants, smokers, lobbyists and CU football fans. The biggest winners, for the 28th year in a row, were CEOs.
In technological milestones, 2006 recorded the first instance of a person being fired via text message (“u r 86”), and a new service from a doughnut chain that allows you to send in your order via text message from the comfort of your swerving car. Another restaurant chain lets customers pay using text messaging.
We reached another technology milestone in 2006. Hundreds of people throughout the state camped out in tents and sleeping bags in front of electronics stores, causing many of us to think that they were getting a jump on the 2008 election. But no. They were prepared to wait two days or more to buy the new Sony PlayStation 3.
In the world of science, many of us also were disappointed in the demotion of Pluto and its moons. In voting that sounds suspiciously as if it were conducted by the Denver Election Commission, only 484 of the world’s 10,000 eligible astronomers participated in a vote to bust Pluto to the humiliating status of a trans-Neptunian object.
Yes, we can be proud of our record and optimistic for our prospects. I see the potential for many future apologies so long as we’re home to Tom Tancredo, the Colorado Rockies and the nation’s largest repository of interstate highway potholes. I can’t wait to see the apologies 2007 brings.
Dan Danbom is a public relations specialist and a freelance writer
