Dear Amy: I am 59 years old. My husband of seven years is 60. This is the third time around for each of us. We feel that we have finally found our soul mates.
I provide childcare for my 7-year-old grandson before and after school, three days a week. Today, I went on a shopping trip with my sister. My husband was to meet my grandson at the bus stop, as well as feed my herd of cattle. He forgot to do both.
I worked very long and hard to buy my place. I provide a home for my parents on my farm, and I sold my old farmhouse and a couple of acres to my daughter and her husband a couple of years ago. We have four generations living on my farm. My daughter has instructed my grandson that if there is no one to pick him up at the bus stop, then he should run to each of our houses until he finds someone at home.
Today, when there was no one there to pick him up, he went home. No one was there, so he went to my house – no one was there (my husband was out in his shop working on a car), so he went to his great-grandma’s house. My mother was home but very worried. My husband was and is still very upset that he had been so busy and lost track of time.
I am so upset. I love my husband, but at the same time I’m furious with him. He has multiple sclerosis and says that it affects his memory. How can I ever look at this man again?
– Kathryn
Dear Kathryn: First of all, your grandson did what he was supposed to do. Good kid! Your husband made a terrible mistake and feels awful about it.
Check with your husband’s doctor to make sure that his condition is under control, and that his medications are correct and offered in the proper dosages. Parents and caregivers do make mistakes, and I realize that there is a potential for disaster, but in this case, forgiveness, not fury, is called for.
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Dear Amy: I lived with a guy for three years. We had some hard times. He cheated on me while I was laid up in the hospital, and he used my ATM cards too. Two weeks before our third anniversary, he left me. While I was at work, he gave me a “Dear John” phone call.
I know that I am better off without him. He has now shacked up with a girl I work with. She is 10 years his junior and has a 19-month- old baby.
I have been seeing a couple of wonderful men that I never knew could exist after being with my ex for so long, but for some reason I can’t seem to let him go, even though I know I am better off without him.
I moved all his stuff out of the house and have nothing to remind me of him. Unfortunately, I still find myself wanting to see him, even though I know deep down that I shouldn’t. How do you get over someone who is completely wrong for you, but still has your heart?
– Amy, in St. Louis
Dear Amy: What you’re going through is fairly normal. It simply takes time to get over people, even when they’re bottom-dwelling jerks.
Resist. Talk to your friends, take long baths and watch “When Harry Met Sally.” Do whatever it takes to feel better.
As you start to have better, healthier and more positive experiences, you will see that you dodged a mighty bullet.
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