Dear Amy: My in-laws are wonderful people. I am fortunate to have them in my life.
My problem is that my husband’s brother, wife and children live in Florida near my in-laws, while my husband, daughter and I live in Indiana.
My in-laws see his brother’s family weekly and talk to them daily.
We see them once every five or six months when we go to see them while on vacation. We talk to them once or twice a week. When we are with our in-laws while on vacation, my sister-in-law will call often, and it upsets me because she sees them more often. I feel that she is taking time away from us. Is this selfish? How should I approach this?
– Confused
Dear Confused: You and your family are dropping in to your in-laws’ lives for brief periods, and while they should juggle their days to make your time with them special, they shouldn’t have to cease communicating with other family members during your visits.
So yes, your reaction to this does seem selfish. Your sister-in-law is also a part of your family. Don’t you want to be in touch with her and see her and your brother-in-law while you are visiting Florida? One way to ease your reaction to this and also to get some alone time with your in-laws would be to invite them to visit your family in beautiful Indiana. I imagine that in July or August, they would be thrilled to escape Florida for your home state and its lovely summertime weather.
…
Dear Amy: I’m in a situation in which my current circle of eight close friends has all paired off.
I have a boyfriend, but he is not very attentive, and I don’t see us ever getting married.
During the holidays and especially now, I am doing everything I can to remain cheerful and optimistic, but it is becoming increasingly difficult.
I’ve talked to counselors, but they only seem to take my cash. Somehow, I need a sound bite or a philosophy, an icon or something that I can call upon to get me out of this slump whenever it takes hold.
What can you offer?
– Losing Glee
Dear Losing: I’ll happily lend you my postage stamp-size photo of Marlon Brando, taken in his prime, which I recently taped to the center of the steering wheel of the family car.
OK. What works for me might not work for you. But while you’re trying to do all of the right things, you seem to be thinking about this in a sideways fashion. My instinct is that you may need to break off your relationship with your boyfriend. The fact that this relationship isn’t progressing could be at the core of your slump.
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Dear Amy: The letter from “Birthday Bashed” – about a friend who was acting like a “birthday-zilla” – is on my mind.
I understand acknowledging a birthday, but I have never understood the lengths that people will go to celebrate their birthdays. Students stay home from school. People stay home from work. Prominent pro athletes have “birthday weeks.” Has it occurred to these people that the people to be honored should be their moms – and to a lesser extent, their dads? After all, these parents started the whole thing.
On my birthday I used to send flowers to my mother. It was the least I could do considering the pain she endured on that day and the love she showered on me as long as she lived.
– Thomas
Dear Thomas: I agree that birthdays seem to have become “festivals of me.” It is thoughtful, and a great idea, to remember to honor one’s parents on a birthday, but I have one quibble with your suggestion.
Fathers should be remembered along with mothers.
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