Dear Amy: My husband passed away this year at a fairly young age, leaving me with a small fortune. In a vulnerable moment, I told my sister the amount.
Although I gave her and her husband a large check at Christmas, she was disappointed that it wasn’t more and told me so. She thought that I would “fatten their coffers” because I have so much disposable income.
I find this behavior appalling. My husband was a hard worker and a good man, and my job is to honor him by keeping our legacy secure and to use some of our money to advance charitable causes in his name.
– Disappointed Sister
Dear Disappointed: If you were having your purse snatched, there’s a likelihood that you would instinctively fight back without guilt. Well, this is a purse snatching.
You need to sit down with your sister and play “Deal or No Deal.” Start with an open-ended question and listen to her answer: “Sis, what exactly do you expect from me now that I have come into this money?” Your answer to almost anything she says should be, “I’m so sorry to disappoint you, but that’s not going to happen. I hope that we can still be close, but I’m not going to discuss my finances with you. I regret that I ever did.”
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Dear Amy: I have been a stepmom for 13 years to three wonderful kids. About a month ago, my 17-year-old stepdaughter confided in me that she and her boyfriend are sexually active. She said she wanted to go on birth control and asked if I could take her to the doctor. She said she did not want her mother to find out.
Although the first nine years as a stepmom were rough between her mother and me, we got past that and became best friends. We are very close.
Well, her mother found out about my helping my stepdaughter, and she became extremely upset at me for not telling her about this.
Was I wrong for not telling her, or am I right for not stabbing my stepdaughter in the back by telling her mother? – Stepmom from Modesto
Dear Stepmom: You deserve credit for being a caring, concerned and involved parent to these children. However, this doesn’t seem to be a case in which a child fears a violent reaction from her mother. Your stepdaughter came to you because she knew that her mother would object to what she was doing. She chose the path of least resistance. In return, you behaved less like a parent and more like a girlfriend. This girl needs parents.
This is a question of the adults in this family assuming the leadership to work on a family issue together. Ideally, you would have said to your stepdaughter, “I want to talk to you about this, honey, but we must tell your mom.”
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