Dear Amy:Family holidays are always awkward for me.
I am only 15 but do not have the same beliefs as most of my immediate and extended family. I guess I would consider myself to be agnostic.
The rest of my family believes in God, and they like to say grace before meals.
I have had to endure my family constantly trying to drag me to church with them, and my sister telling me that I am going to hell and using other religion-based insults.
At family holidays, I do respect my family by listening to the grace before the meal, but sometimes my grandparents ask “one of the granddaughters” to say grace. Sometimes they even call on me.
My grandparents are both 79 and don’t know that I have different beliefs from they. I don’t know what to say to this.
– The Family Dis-grace
Dear Dis-grace: Your family should respect your spiritual journey, even if it causes you to question their beliefs. This is an important part of your intellectual development, and it is common at your age.
Of course, your sister shouldn’t bug or bully you about this, but if your parents won’t intervene to stop her comments, you might just have to ignore her.
I applaud your instinct not to explain all of this to your grandparents, and I think that you can come up with a grace that satisfies the basic parameters of the premeal prayer (giving thanks) without necessarily directing it toward a God whose existence you question.
…
Dear Amy: I am extremely allergic to tobacco smoke and have been advised by my doctors to avoid any place (or anyone) that has been contaminated with smoke.
I develop respiratory infections, and I can be ill for weeks from even exposure to someone who has smoked.
I have gone to places that ban smoking but I still encounter smokers. I have been in a smoke-free restaurant but have been seated near people who smell of smoke – or waiters who have smoked. What should I do so I do not come off as a complainer?
– Ronald
Dear Ronald: You should always call a restaurant beforehand, explain yourself, and say, “I’m sure that this is a challenge, but is there a way for you to accommodate me?” Get the name of the person you speak with, thank him or her, and seek this person out when you arrive. Make sure that there is no smoking near the entrance.
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