This is the stuff of social nightmares:
Old friends ask you to give a toast at their engagement party. Instead of keeping the crowd in stitches and tears with charming memories and heartfelt well-wishes, your toast begins with a bad joke and ends with the room in total silence.
Fear of toasts-gone-wrong is common enough that the July/August issue of Hallmark magazine dedicated a column to the subject. The magazine’s editor (and one-time Denver Post scribe) Lisa Benenson recently talked with Room about crafting the perfect party solute.
Why are people tormented over giving toasts?
I think it’s stage fright. Nobody wants to be a fool, even those of us who are fairly comfortable standing in front of a room. There’s also a measure of wanting to deliver for the person that you’re honoring. That combination of fears makes it difficult. We all admire the person who can stand up at a party and give a seemingly elegant, off-the-cuff toast. Those people set a really high bar for the rest of us.
What would you characterize as a bad toast?
I think that people who talk about themselves instead of the person they’re trying to honor are bad, bad people. There’s nothing worse than a toast in which somebody stands up and goes on and on with their personal story. Going on too long is a real problem. That’s why giving toasts after a little too much ‘liquid lubrication’ can be a bad idea.
Can you share an example of a great toast?
My daughter just graduated from high school and we had a party for her. My husband stood up midway through the dinner to toast her accomplishments. He talked about the great things he sees in her, and how lucky the world is to be getting her. He talked about the things that we love in her and have enjoyed in her, and went on to say how well those things will translate when she goes out in the world. It was tremendously moving and I think it made her feel great.
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