Dear Readers: A couple of months ago, I ran a letter from “Thoughtful in Ontario.”
“Thoughtful” was in a committed and loving live-in relationship. She and her boyfriend were struggling with a big question — the point of marriage. I responded that marriage signified a deepening of their commitment and that making this declaration publicly involved the community in their future. I invited readers to respond.
Here is a sampling.
Dear Amy: My partner and I had committed to each other in our hearts and didn’t feel the need to marry as proof of that commitment. However, the government sees things differently.
Inheritance, retirement accounts, homeownership, Social Security (particularly if one partner dies young), power of attorney and the right to make medical decisions for each other are contingent on a person’s marital status.
Marriage provides quantum leaps of legal rights in all of these areas. — Married for Legal Reasons
Dear Amy: I am not against marriage, but I am against people marrying for the sake of getting married.
Most women I know dream of their wedding day but often focus on only the wedding and not the marriage itself. Until both people have a good reason to marry and feel they should, then no one else should tell them otherwise. — Happily Unmarried
Dear Amy: Historically, marriage has been imposed upon us by religion and society. I can relate to others who question what it means.
I have lived with my partner for 12 years, and we were friends for nine years before that. I am more committed to him than I would be if we were married.
Becoming legally married would only satisfy my family’s religious beliefs and put additional pressures on our relationship.
My partner and I want to remain individuals within the relationship. I have my own identity and finances, and I reserve the right to remain independent in those areas. — Happily Committed
Dear Amy: If you want to own property together, have children or be each other’s next of kin to make medical or end- of-life decisions, getting married is the best way to establish those relationships and minimize the level of interference from others in these areas.
Internationally, commitment laws are changing, but it will be many years, if ever, before committed relationships outside marriage are treated the same way legally as marriages. I, for one, would not want to be a test case. — Romantic Lawyer
Send questions via e-mail to askamy @tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
