LAS VEGAS — It is 7 a.m. when my 4-year-old appears at my bedside.
“Mommy, what are we doing today?” My eyes struggle to stay open. I do not yet have comprehension of the English language this morning.
“MOOOOOM-MY, I said, what are we doing today?” Truthfully, I have nothing planned. She accepts the response with defeat, as if the thought of having nothing planned for the day is the equivalent of Barbie dolls losing all their dresses.
And so begins the complaint that parents everywhere dread: “I’m bored.” I usually have something planned for my girls each day, especially in the summer. Whether it’s going to the park, the library or going swimming, they love that most days we fill our mornings with activities. But, on the days that I have nothing planned, my 4-year-old seems confused.
I’m not even sure she truly knows what the definition of boredom is, but she uses it anyway.
I try to shoo her away and tell her to go play with her sister or go in her playroom.
“But I want you to play duck, duck goose with me,” she pleaded.
So I had this thought.
My kids have downtime every afternoon where they either take a nap or play quietly in their rooms. But am I supposed to have something planned for them every day? Am I a horrible mother because we are not having a picnic at the park today? When she tells me she is bored, it makes me think I may not be doing enough to stimulate her.
Then I talk to Michele Borba, a parenting expert and author of the book “Parents Do Make A Difference.” She tells me I should embrace the boredom.
“It’s almost like when your child says it, you say ‘Oh honey, that’s so wonderful. It means there’s new neurons forming in your brain,”‘ Borba said.
Creative thinking and problem solving are skills a child is going to learn to do on her own, and that happens during those times when kids announce that they are bored.
Borba said a parent’s goal should be to get the child to be able to spend some time by himself. It’s not an overnight process, but she said to start with a small amount of time. If your child can entertain himself for 10 minutes a day, try to stretch it to 11 minutes.
Turn on a timer, and let children know that you will be close by and that they need to play by themselves for a bit.
“What you’re actually doing is preparing your child to be able to figure out how to live without you. And you’ve got about 18 years to do it,” she said.
She suggested creating a “boredom box,” that lists activities a child can choose from when they are bored — play with a flashlight, make a fort out of tables and sheets, play dress up, do puzzles. Making an art bin is another way to combat boredom. Put toilet paper rolls, straws, tape, markers, crayons all in a bin and let the child use their imagination to create something.
Borba said so many children are overscheduled with activities that are always supervised by an adult, that when children do spend time alone, they may not know how to use creativity and storytelling.
“It is a wonderful skill to teach a child. By the way, it’s called how to handle life,” Borba said.
On one of our boredom days, my girls and I bought cookie wafers from the dollar store and made candy houses with frosting. They were super cute, and it kept the girls entertained for at least an hour.
For now, we have a huge cardboard box that we made into a clubhouse for the girls. They helped paint it, and we cut a window out so they can peer out from their imagination. They are giggling with delight and haven’t called me over once.
