John Kusic is a die-hard Democrat who talks politics nonstop, even at the office where Republicans and Democrats are always willing to fight it out. Recently, however, he and his wife attended a dinner party with limitations.
“The husband and wife were staunch Republicans, and they had a rule that they didn’t want to talk politics,” he said. “My wife looked at me and said, ‘Don’t you dare try to weasel into’ ” a political discussion.
Aside from the random dig, people stuck to the rule.
“No one wanted to offend the host and hostess,” he said.
This refusal to talk politics — or the inability to stop arguing about it — illustrates the increasing polarization of the American electorate. The campaigns of Barack Obama and John McCain are streaming rhetoric with just four days to go before the election. And the deep divide is mangling social networks from hair salons to coffee clubs.
Studies from the Pew Research Center for People and the Press shows a widening abyss. Over 20 years, researchers have asked the same questions of Republicans and Democrats and discovered a growing divide over everything from national security to social values.
A 2007 study found that three-quarters of Americans said they liked political leaders who were willing to compromise. But when it comes to hot-button issues — such as abortion or the war in Iraq — people wanted their side to win.
Take the gathering of Latina lawyers who’ve met weekly for 20 years. Most, passionate Democrats, were stunned last week when a new woman showed up to express her excitement about Sarah Palin.
“It was an incredibly hot debate,” said Teresa Casilla, who plans to call the woman and apologize. “I had to stand up and walk around, I was so upset.”
Different people have different strategies.
“We walk the line,” said Michael Schaffer, owner of the Red Room, the lunch-hour hot- spot for statehouse politicos.
“People walk in and say, ‘Who’re you voting for?’ I tell them that it’s my personal choice.”
Any answer would upset half his clientele.
The political divide is nowhere more evident than the yard of Geoff and Carolyn Blue. The left side of their lawn sports her Democratic yard signs while the right side is dominated by his Republican signs.
In their largely Democratic neighborhood, Geoff — a former president of the Denver Metro Young Republicans — is in the minority.
“People are fairly respectful about it,” he said.
In larger circles, however, the Republican is ready for what has become a predictable discussion.
“The question I get all the time from hard- core Democrats is, ‘You don’t like Sarah Palin, do you?’ ”
When he says “yes,” sometimes people want more detail.
“But a lot of times, they don’t say anything.”
Such refusal to engage is partly a result of battle fatigue.
Mark Gerzon, founder of the Boulder-based Mediators Foundation, is a conflict-resolution expert who has lead bipartisan retreats for members of the U.S. Congress and leads workshops in “transpartisan dialogue” techniques.
“It takes effort to enter into a room with a cross-spectrum of political opinions — mental, emotional and psychological effort,” he said.
Recently, he facilitated a meeting of people from different political parties.
“I was tired at the end of the day,” he said. “It’s different from hanging out with buddies on the same end of the political spectrum.”
The current partisan sniping, he believes, is a continuation of the bitter presidential campaigns of 2000 and 2004.
“People had feelings about the Carter- Reagan election, but it wasn’t the ‘I can’t talk to you’ kind of energy. That’s definitely intensified. This can only happen to a certain point, until the social fabric starts to tear.”
Even birthday parties can fall prey to new rules of engagement. Each year, a group of friends celebrates a common birthday at a miniature golf course. This time, Barbara Gabella worried about friction.
“I talked to my friend before we went and said, ‘Could we not talk politics?’ She said, ‘That would be great.’ A college friend had just called to persuade her to vote for Obama, and it hadn’t gone too well.”
They enjoyed a serene afternoon, talking about their kids and their personal lives.
“We didn’t get into heated discussions about politics,” Gabella said. “But I’m thinking that four years from now I may have to move the miniature golf game up to August, because in four years it could be worse.”
Marjorie Allison of Denver recently found herself in an e-mail argument with a close relative. Missives flew through cyberspace as emotions escalated.
“The whole thing was only about Joe the Plumber,” Allison said. “She said I was being ugly, demeaning, condescending and mocking.”
Shocked, Allison decided to just ignore any further e-mails.
“I’m going to pretend it’s not happening,” she said. “I don’t want to risk a family bond over politics. We’ve got Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner coming.”
Colleen O’Connor: 303-954-1083 or coconnor@denverpost.com
