The NFC West is bad, really bad. Really, really bad, if you really, really want to know.
How bad? The four teams in the division have a combined record of 11-21. The Cardinals are 5-3. The Three Stooges — the Seahawks, 49ers and Rams — are 2-6 and on pace to allow 400-plus points.
So why mention it this morning? Because the AFC West is even worse.
Those four teams are a combined 11-22. The Broncos lead the division at 5-4, but are still in position to become the first NFL team ever to win its division with a sub-.500 record.
Can 7-9 get the job done? The Chiefs and Raiders aren’t going to get there. Oakland is coming off a 24-0 home loss, after which Al Davis ordered a roster purge. Kansas City just lost to Tampa Bay after blowing a 21-0 lead.
That leaves the Chargers, who would have to win out to match their 2007 win total of 11. It’s probably not going to happen, but you never know. The Bolts, after all, have the best defense in the division. They’re on pace to allow a mere 398 points, a trend that cost coordinator Ted Cottrell his job.
As ugly as things are, somebody in the West will win today. The Chargers and Chiefs play each other in San Diego.
Onward, Couch Commandos, to Week 10. . . .
Week 10
New Orleans at Atlanta
11 a.m., Falcons by 1
Last meeting: Saints won 34-14 at Atlanta on Dec. 10, 2007
Sean Payton 4-0 vs. Dirty Birds, with Drew Brees under center for each W. . . . What’s this? Falcons have junked their George McFly “Kick Me” sign? Team’s five dubyas one more than last season. . . . Not that, you know, the players are glad to be rid of Bobby Petrino. . . . Rookie QB Matt Ryan 3-0 at home, where he hasn’t thrown an INT. . . . Atl DE John Abraham had a career vs. Raiduhs last week: three sacks, one forced fumble. . . . N’Awlins owns league’s top Oh at 403 yards per.
Prediction: Falcons 34, Saints 32
Tennessee at Chicago
11 a.m., Titans by 3
Last meeting: Bears won 19-17 at Tennessee (OT) on Nov. 14, 2004
Train Rex Grossman vs. league’s lone undefeated squad? It may not be as one-sided as you think. Jeff Fisher career vs. Teddy Bears: 0-3. . . . Past three games in series have been decided by a FG or less. . . . Grossman has big shoes to fill. Kyle Orton was 12-2 in home starts. . . . Are Titans doin’ it with D? Duh. Kerry Collins has thrown, count ’em, three TD passes. . . . Fisher, by the way, was Bears’ 7th-rounder in ’81. . . . Tenn tops in the loop with plus-10 turnover ranking.
Prediction: Bears 19, Titans 17
Jacksonville at Detroit
11 a.m., Jaguars by 6 1/2
Last meeting: Jaguars won 23-17 (OT) at Jacksonville on Nov. 14, 2004
Lions league’s only winless outfit, but they’re competing. Haven’t lost by double figures in a month, including last week’s epic moral W at ChiTown. . . . Useless series factoid: Teams have met once in Motown, when Lions won 44-0 in ’95. . . . Jax WR Matt Jones has seven-plus catches on three straight Sundays. . . . Jags coach Jack Del Rio, who once put an ax in team’s locker room, hid all the sharp objects after loss to dog-keister Bengals.
Prediction: Jaguars 27, Lions 20
Baltimore at Houston
11 a.m., pick ’em
Last meeting: Ravens won 16-15 at Baltimore on Dec. 4, 2005
Texans a tale of two teams: 3-1 at home, 0-4 on road, where they haven’t won in more than a year. . . . Sage Rosenfels, who gift-wrapped W for Colts in last home appearance, will start for Texans. . . . Sarah Lee apparently among Texans’ sponsors. Team is minus-8 in turnovers. . . . Joe Flacco in past three: four TD passes, no INTs. . . . Balt No. 2 in D — No. 1 vs. run, No. 4 vs. pass. . . . Hugh WR Andre Johnson averaging 131 receiving yards in past five.
Prediction: Ravens 20, Texans 19
Buffalo at New England
11 a.m., Patriots by 3 1/2
Last meeting: Patriots won 56-10 at Buffalo on Nov. 18, 2007
Are Bills legit? They have yet to beat a team with a winning record. . . . Pats seeking 10th straight W vs. Let’s Go. . . . Holy hyphen, Batman! Pats rookie Ben Jarvus Green-Ellis has a rush TD in three straight. . . . Matt Cassel says he’s no Stetson Man. Ya think? Dude has seven TD tosses, just as many INTs. . . . Jerod Mayo leading Pats with 65 tackles. Coach Hoodie 14-3 career vs. Billz from the Hood.
Prediction: Patriots 34, Bills 30
Seattle at Miami
11 a.m., Dolphins by 8
Last meeting: Seahawks won 24-17 at Seattle on Nov. 21, 2004
Seahawks thrilled to take longest trip of the year to South Fla. Like John McCain was thrilled with Tuesday’s results. . . . Seattle 31st in offense, 27th in D. . . . Dolphins, who’ve won four outta six, seeking first three-game W streak since ’06. . . . Miami WR Greg Camarillo caught career-best 11 balls for career-best 111 yards last week. Not bad, considering several Broncos had never heard of him.
Prediction: Dolphins 31, Seahawks 0
Green Bay at Minnesota
11 a.m., Vikings by 2 1/2
Last meeting: Packers won 24-19 at Green Bay on Sept. 9
Memo to Gus Frerotte: Beware of thieves. Pack, which hasn’t led the NFL in INTs since days of Lombardi, tied for league lead with 13 INTs. Five have been returned for TDs. . . . Mike McCarthy 5-0 career vs. Vikes, with all five dubyas coming vs. Brad Childress. . . . Packers’ Aaron Kampman: nine sacks in past seven vs. Minnie. . . . Vikings, No. 2 in run D, hoping to lead the league for third straight season.
Prediction: Vikings 31, Packers 27
St. Louis at N.Y. Jets
11 a.m., Jets by 9
Last meeting: Rams won 32-29 (OT) at St. Louis on Jan. 2, 2005
Jets coming off statement game at Buffalo. As in, they’re pretty good. . . . Brett Favre leading team’s resurgence. Or not. Brett da Jet in first four: 12 TD passes, four INTs. Favre in last four: three TD passes, eight INTs. . . . Key stat for Jets has nothing to do with Favre. They’re 4th in the league vs. the run. . . . Rams picture of consistency: 30th in Oh, 30th in D. . . . Rams have won seven straight in series.
Prediction: Jets 27, Rams 13
Carolina at Oakland
2 p.m., Panthers by 9 1/2
Last meeting: Raiders won 27-24 at Carolina on Nov. 7, 2004
Panthers didn’t play last week. Come to think of it, neither did Raiders. . . . Al Davis wanted several players fired after shutout loss to Falcons. Actually, he wanted to get rid of all of ’em, but the league has rules against that kind of thing. . . . Panthers in search of third 7-2 start in team history. The first two times, they landed in the Super Bowl, NFC title tilt. . . . So much for the vertical passing game. TE Zach Miller leads Raiduhs with 22 catches.
Prediction: Panthers 24, Raiders 0
Indianapolis at Pittsburgh
2:15 p.m., Steelers by 3 1/2
Last meeting: Colts won 26-7 at Indianapolis on Nov. 28, 2005
Byron Leftwich could go here, what with Big Ben having been sacked more than The Donald’s apprentices. . . . Steelers’ D the best this side of the U.S. Army. They rank No. 1 overall — No. 3 vs. rush, No. 1 vs. pass. . . . What’s this? The Colts 22nd in offense? Stuff happens when your Hall of Fame QB isn’t healthy. Peyton gutting it out on a bum knee. . . . Streaking: Counting playoffs, and why wouldn’t you, Stillers have won 12 straight homies vs. Colts.
Prediction: Steelers 24, Colts 16
Kansas City at San Diego
2:15 p.m., Chargers by 15
Last meeting: Chargers won 24-10 at Kansas City on Dec. 2, 2007
Remember last game on the beach? Chiefs won 30-16 behind immortal, Canton-bound Damon Huard. They’re 3-17 since then. . . . So much for turnovers being a big factor in the Not For Long. K.C. plus-7, third in the bid’ness. . . . Chiefs blew 21-point lead last week. . . . Bye week was bye-bye week for Bolts D coordinator Ted Cottrell, who walked the plank after team’s 3-5 start. . . . Philip Rivers, Jay Cutler’s buddy, tops the league with 19 TD passes.
Prediction: Chargers 37, Chiefs 10
N.Y. Giants at Philadelphia
6:15 p.m., Eagles by 3
Last meeting: Giants won 16-13 at Philadelphia on Dec. 9, 2007
G-Men love them some pillow mints. They’ve won 12 outta 13 roadies. . . . First team to 2 could win this one. Giants third in D, Eagles fifth. . . . Donovan Mac in past 10 vs. NYG: 14 TD passes, three INTs. . . . Justin Tuck third in NFC with 8.5 sacks. Not bad for a guy who couldn’t crack starting lineup till this season. . . . Memo to fantasy geeks near and far: If Brent Celek is available, grab him. Philly TE coming off six-catch, 131-yarder vs. SEA.
Prediction: Eagles 16, Giants 13
San Francisco at Arizona
6:30 p.m. Monday, Cardinals by 9 1/2
Last meeting: Cardinals won 23-13 at San Francisco on Sept. 7
National TV for this one, so Mike Singletary promises not to drop his drawers. … Who knew? Niners QB Shaun Hill 2-0 career as a starter. … Cards have won six straight at home, their longest streak since leather helmets. OK, since the Ford administration.
Prediction: Cardinals 34, 49ers 20
Jimmy tracker
Season record: 80-50
Record vs. the spread: 66-60-4
Highlight of the week: Giants over the Cowboys 31-16. Your final score from the swamps o’ Joisey: G-Men 35, ‘Boys Among Men 14.
