History, naturally, will remember 2008 as a year that was filled with events of epic scope — the election of our first African-American president, an economic collapse of Brobdingnagian proportions, automakers asking Washington for money the way a teenager grovels for an advance on his allowance.
But those of us who survived 2008 will remember it for something much more troubling: bad man hair.
Not since Phil Collins sported a ridiculous comb-forward and sang about a girl named Sussudio and Donald Trump’s “The Art of the Deal” topped the best-seller list have we seen such a blatant display of bad hair on high-profile men.
“Guys are less in tune to the current trends and lean toward what’s convenient and easy when it comes to hair,” says Nicholas Penna Jr. of Salon Capri. “Many guys shy away from products, unlike women who have something in their beauty cabinet for every possible hair dilemma. A lack of product knowledge leaves men’s hair untamed with more possibility for unwanted hair looks.”
Whether it was the wrong hair products or the wrong cut, there was no shortage of unwanted looks in 2008. Here’s an eyeful of the year’s top offenders.
Rod Blagojevich — Not only has the Illinois governor stubbornly refused to resign after being accused of trying to sell Barack Obama’s Senate seat, he has stubbornly refused to update his hairstyle since 1988. Nearly as troubling as his federal corruption charges is the fact that Blagojevich was elected to public office sporting that hair and that he is always carrying a Paul Mitchell brush.
Jay Leno — First, he was leaving late night on NBC. Then he was rumored to be heading to ABC. Suddenly, he was going prime time back on NBC. Keeping up with Leno’s year was like tracking a 14-year-old girl’s status updates on Facebook.
But the one constant was Leno’s SOS-pad-like coif.
Careful with those Blagojevich jokes, Jay, they’re hitting close to home.
Clay Aiken — “Yes, I’m gay,” he declared on the cover of People magazine in September.
You’ve come this far, Clay. How about admitting “Yes, I have bad hair” on your next People cover? It’s one thing to idolize Barry Manilow for his music but quite another to patronize his hair stylist.
Robert Pattinson — The ‘Twilight” star became the object of unbridled teen lust, partially because his untamed rat’s nest of a coiffure had the supernatural power to make young girls scream. Over studio objections, Pattinson finally chopped off his unwieldy mop and proved he’s mortal after all.
Peter Orszag — The nominee for director of the Office of Management and Budget (and a native Bostonian) was clearly a follower of 1990s hip-hop culture. We haven’t seen a fade like that since Kid ‘n Play did the funky Charleston in “House Party.”
Jason Castro — He made it into the top five finalists of this year’s “American Idol,” but those dreadlocks could have ended his music career at the audition stage. Dreads are great — if you’re Peter Tosh — but not if you’re a 21-year-old folk-pop singer from Texas.
Ed Westwick — The “Gossip Girl” heartthrob may have the best eyebrows in show business (sorry, Andy Rooney), but his hair refuses to cooperate. Some days his bangs help hide a substantial forehead, other days it’s slicked off to the side. Perhaps it’s all a tool to distract from the mini-mullet lurking out back.
Joaquin Phoenix — He made headlines this year after declaring that he is quitting Hollywood, but it looks like his hair quit long ago. Lately he’s been sporting a mop that walks the line between hippie and homeless.
Bill Richardson — There’s nothing wrong with the New Mexico governor’s hair, but why lose the beard, Bill? With it, you looked like a Teddy Bear of a politician, the kind of guy who likes to hug.
Ed Genson — He’s Blagojevich’s defense attorney, but we can only hope his advice will not extend to grooming. While Genson’s hair is not as offensive as his client’s, his curly skullet (that’s mullet in back, balding on top) does not help his case.
