Ah, spring training. The thwack of the bat, the smell of freshly cut grass, the cries of “Play ball!” and “Quick, somebody hide the needles!” Here are five fearless predictions for the 2009 season:
5. The Cardinals will be so bad, Albert Pujols will say that, unlike Mark McGwire, he only wants to talk about the past.
4. The New York Post will run a picture of Alex Rodriguez walking arm-in-arm with a blond bombshell. When asked to comment, A-Rod will say it’s his cousin.
3. Ryan Howard, below, will hit his 60th home run at Citizens Bank Bandbox, only to have it nullified by the infield fly rule.
2. Prince Fielder will reveal that he’s adopted, and his real last name is Hitter.
1. Cubs manager Lou Piniella, during a heated argument with an umpire, will pop five buttons on his jersey while attempting to bend over and grab second base.
