BAR: MEMBERS BAR
If a bar stays open for 15 years in Denver, it’s an old-timer. The Members Bar in the University Club, 1673 Sherman St., has been pouring cocktails since 1895. That’s 15 years plus 100, minus the inconvenient hiccup of Prohibition. (It was called the Men’s Bar back then; women weren’t welcomed as members until 1989.) Four pool tables await members in the adjacent room. The bar itself has no stools, just a brass foot rail. Customers stand up to drink, as they always have. It’s woody, cozy, clubby — and busiest at lunch when dozens of the 650 club members crowd the low tables, join groups, network. Business attire is encouraged; absolutely no jeans allowed. It opens at 11 a.m. and stays open until the last member wanders home.
GRILLED: BOB KAUFMAN
Bob Kaufman, 57, is one Denver’s best-known divorce lawyers. He was born in New York City, grew up in New Jersey, went to Duke (where he flunked out, then re-entered) and received his law degree from the University of Denver. “The wheels fell off my wagon,” he says of his decision to stay in Denver, where he is currently a partner at Greenberg Traurig specializing in what is politely called “litigation and matrimonial law.” You would know the names of his clients, which he cannot divulge. But when you have money and you want out, you want Kaufman. He’s married to Denver native Wendy Wolf. They have four children, all now in college. He orders a glass of chardonnay.
BH: It’s Valentine’s Day on Sunday. What are you going to do?
Kaufman: I’ll take my wife out to dinner and I get her a gift. But if you’re in a divorce, this is a high-pressure holiday.
BH: Why did you become a divorce lawyer?
Kaufman: The thing about divorce work is, if you’re lucky enough to have high-net- worth clients, it’s very interesting. If you get into a fight over a $100 million estate, that’s fun. It calls for a lot of strategy and thinking.
BH: Good divorce lawyers are usually thought of as jerks.
Kaufman: People do think that. But the fact of the matter is you have to have a backbone, but you also have a judge to deal with. So you have to give the client the red meat, but you have to give the judge the persuasion. And that’s the art of the thing.
BH: Do you ever represent someone who is just bad news?
Kaufman: Of course. There are various levels of divorce. It’s like the levels of hell in Dante’s “Inferno.” On one level, you’re friends and it didn’t work out and you’re still friends. Then you get to the lower levels of hell where you’re dealing with unpleasant, unlikable, angry people. Mentally ill people. Narcissistic, bipolar, what have you. And frequently these people have a hundred million, so you can’t show them the door. You have to deal with them. You have to find a side of them that is sympathetic.
BH: Have you ever declined to represent someone?
Kaufman: Yes. I mean, I take anyone who can afford me. But I am very leery of being the second or third attorney on a case. I don’t like being the second. I’ll never be the third.
BH: What about love?
Kaufman: What’s love got to do with it?
BH: You’ve been a divorce lawyer for 25 years. What has this taught you about love?
Kaufman: A divorce attorney doesn’t want to know about love. In truth, I cannot remember a time when a client came into my office and said to me, “We used to be in love, but we’re not anymore.” By the time they come to see me, the love is long gone. The car wreck has happened, the tow trucks have come along and towed it away. It’s just a financial breakup.
BH: And kids?
Kaufman: People fight over the kids but it’s often disingenuous. You can have a parent who is really interested in parenting, and the other one pretends to be interested just to screw with the mind of the interested parent. So you have these custody things going on — but it’s often about revenge and anger. Kids are the entree to the show, money is the main attraction.
BH: My stepmother told me a good divorce is more important than a good marriage — because it lasts longer.
Kaufman: Ha!
BH: Do you believe in love at first sight?
Kaufman: Sure.
BH: Do you believe in true love?
Kaufman: Yes. Look, I am not a pessimist. I believe that good things can happen to good people. I don’t have a dark view of human nature. There are relationships that just aren’t healthy. That doesn’t mean life is bad or marriage is bad.
BH: How long have you been married?
Kaufman: Twenty-five years. I am a great believer in marriage. It works for me.
BH: Is the main reason for divorce infidelity?
Kaufman: No, I think it’s incompatibility, and that leads to infidelity.
BH: You ever see a couple reconcile at a conference table?
Kaufman: Never. That’s Hollywood.
BH: What do you fear?
Kaufman: Failure.
BH: What don’t you like in yourself?
Kaufman: I’m too cautious.
BH: What kind of people don’t you like?
Kaufman: Phonies.
BH: What qualities do you like in a male friend?
Kaufman: Someone who doesn’t talk too much about himself.
BH: In a woman?
Kaufman: Self-confidence.
BH: Who’s the greatest love of your life?
Kaufman: My wife. Frankly, putting up with me has to be a pain for her.
BH: What would you change about yourself?
Kaufman: My nose.
BH: What talent do you wish you had?
Kaufman: I wish I could paint.
BH: What do you value in your friends?
Kaufman: I like people who have a little time for me.
BH: What do you most dislike?
Kaufman: Mustard.
BH: Where do you eat?
Kaufman: The Cricket is home base. Frank Bonanno does a great job. We like Del Frisco’s, Shanahan’s.
Interview conducted, condensed and edited by Bill Husted: 303-954-1486 or bhusted@denverpost.com.
